


Just Like Heaven

by hopipp (fancy2na)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Ghost! Hide, M/M, Tokyo Ghoul: re
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancy2na/pseuds/hopipp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Y-You...." the stranger stutters, nearly falling over right on top of Haise "You can see me?"</p><p>"Er, yes?" Haise replies awkwardly "You're standing right over me, after all."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this story is slightly inspired by the 2005 film Just Like Heaven)

Sasaki Haise isn't sure how he got here.

The last thing he remembers doing is bidding Kirishima goodnight and exiting :re with a chiming of the bells by the door.

Instead of toward the Chateau that he and the rest of the Quinx squad call home, Haise's feet lead him to a small playground squashed in between several houses. The park isn't familiar, and neither is the area, yet somehow Haise has walked the path as if it were burned into his memory; a place his body was used to taking him.

He is also not sure what compels him to climb the giant whale-shaped play structure protruding from the ground. It's spontaneous, childish even, but Haise perches himself atop the beast nonetheless.

 _The night sky is lovely from up here_ , he notices absently, thankful no one is around. _I guess I can stay for a while._

He lays down on his back to look up at the stars, and a melancholic feeling that he doesn’t quite understand stirs around in his gut.

While he is trying to locate Orion's Belt, a curious, slightly bewildered face emerges from the darkness and blocks his view.

There is a boy staring down at him.

"Er... good evening?" Haise says to the stranger whose eyes grow wide with shock.

"Y-You...." the stranger stutters unexpectedly, nearly falling over right on top of Haise "You can _see_ me?"

"Yes?" Haise replies awkwardly "You're standing right over me, after all."

"....I can't believe this," he mumbles to himself in unhidden awe, shaking his head. "You, of all people."

Haise sits up to take the strange boy in. He appears to be about his own age, and he is wearing some sort of uniform, but... it's impossible to tell what kind because it's completely mangled. There are rips and gashes all over it, as well as some very unsightly stains.

_Did he just get out of a fight?_

Haise also notices the boy's hair, which is a bit shaggy but glows golden in the moonlight.

 _There's something strange about him, w_ _hy can't I smell his scent?_ Haise thinks apprehensively.  _For that matter, I couldn't hear him climb up here either. Are my ghoul senses dulling?_

"Wait a minute, what exactly did you mean when you said, 'you, of all people?’” Haise narrows his eyes suspiciously at his intruder.

With furrowed brows, the stranger stares back at him intently. He squints and leans closer, and Haise can’t help but feel that he is searching for something in his face. Perhaps some sort of recognition?

"Do I know you?" the ghoul investigator asks, feeling a little bit scrutinized by the invasiveness.

"No... definitely not. I don't know you." he seems to be trying to convince himself of that fact, rather than Haise. Then he nods his head as if he's come to some sort of conclusion, and unexpectedly, flashes Haise a bright smile.

 _His smile.. why does it seem familiar?_ Haise thinks, _but.. that's impossible right? He just said he doesn't know me after all._

“Sorry, you remind me of someone I knew once.” the stranger tells him apologetically. “I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi by the way, but you can just call me Hide. What's your name?"

"Sasaki Haise." the ghoul investigator replies tentatively "Just Haise is fine though."

"Nice to meet you!" the boy, _Hide,_ replies excitedly. "Mind if I sit with you?"

Haise nods slightly at the area next to him. "Sure, why not." he replies.

 ****_This guy seems harmless enough._

“Great!” Hide exclaims, then casually plops himself down beside Haise.

They sit together for a few moments, with just the creaking of the swing set and the low buzz of the city filling the silence, until Hide begins to ask Haise questions.

“So, you work for the CCG right?” He gestures to Haise’s white uniform. "What department are you in?"

“I’m a Ghoul Investigator." Haise responds ”How could you tell?

“Oh, well I used to work there too once!" Hide explains proudly “I was just an errand boy, but sometimes Mado and the rest let me tag along and help during investigations. I had a knack for playing detective.”

 _Hmm, if_ _Akira trusted this guy in the past then maybe I can too? He doesn't seem like the suspicious type._

“I’m surprised I’ve never seen you around before,” Hide adds innocently “I was out and about all over the place when I was there.” He rakes his eyes over Haise one last time “Are you new?”

"Sort of, I only joined a little under two years ago.” Haise tells him “Maybe we just missed each other?”

“Ah, yeah I guess so.” Hide shrugs. “So what rank are you?”

 _He asks a lot of questions._ Haise observes.

“First rank, I’m the mentor of the new Quinx squad.”

Hide makes a sort of ‘oooh!’ sound and Haise finds it kind of endearing.

“Mado Akira and Kishou Arima are our leaders.” he adds.

“Wow, you’ve got quite the prodigies guiding you!” the blonde gushes “Thats so awesome!”  

“Yeah, everyone's like family to me.” Haise agrees with a small smile.

 _Why have I never heard of this guy?_ Haise ponders, _Surely he would at least stop by headquarters sometimes if he used to work with us? I certainly would have noticed someone so... lively._

_Hm, Nagachika Hideyoshi was it? I’m pretty sure nobody has ever mentioned him to me before either. How strange._

"So... err… Hide..." Haise says, shaking off his earlier train of thought "What exactly happened to your clothes? Were you attacked?"

Hide turns his head to meet Haise’s gaze, then glances down at his shredded ensemble. He scratches his head sheepishly.

"Sort of, it's a long story." is the vague reply. “I would rather not talk about it.”

"Understandable." Haise doesn’t press him further.

Instead, he decides to check his cell phone for the time. The display reads 22:41, which causes him to nearly jump out of his skin.

_Shit, when did it get so late? Everyone is probably wondering where I am!_

Sure enough, he has two missed calls from Mutsuki, and one from Shirazu.

"Hey, I’m sorry but I really need to get going.” Haise announces regretfully. He sticks his hand out in front of him, requesting a handshake. “It was very nice chatting with you.”

 _He's a little weird, but Hide seems like a nice guy._ Haise decides _._

"Yeah, you too!" the other replies happily, “It’s been awhile since I’ve talked like this with someone.”

He reaches outwards to accept the handshake, however, instead of connecting like it should, Hide's hand glides right through Haise's as if it were made of air.

 _Wha..?_ Haise's dumbfounded expression clearly catches the blonde's attention. _Am I imagining things?_

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Hide shrugs casually. "I'm kind of a ghost. Surprise!"

.......?

.....?

_Ghost?_

_Hide’s a ghost?_

"WHAT?!"

"I should've said something earlier sorry."

 **"** That's impossible!" Haise insists "How can you be...?”

“Eh, I’m not sure either to be honest.” the blonde admits sheepishly.

Haise daringly tries to poke Hide’s shoulder just to prove himself wrong, because surely ghosts are just fictitious myths, but once again his finger soars right through Hide as if he were not actually there. Haise tries poking him again, and again, and again, and remains unsatisfied with the same unearthly result each time.

“Having fun?” Hide asks with amusement, “As you can see I’m sort of intangible. And invisible too.”

Haise balks at the boy in front of him disbelievingly.

“Lucky thing nobody else is here because they’d think you’re talking to yourself.” Hide points out.

“How are you so nonchalant about this?” Haise asks incredulously.

He receives another shrug in response. “I’ve had a lot of time to get over it.”

 _Think about it, Haise! Ghouls exist, therefore, ghosts existing can’t be so impossible!_ he tells himself.

“But, if you’re a ghost…” Haise mumbles “Why can I see you?”

“That, I’m not quite sure about.” Hide says “But hey, let’s not question it ‘cause you’re the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in a really long time!”

 _Was he... alone for all this time?_ Haise bites his lip as a wave of sadness washes over him. _No.. It can't be..._

“Did you know that rabbits can die of loneliness?” Hide says suddenly.

“Sorry, what?” Haise blinks in confusion.

“I’m already dead though.. so I guess it doesn’t apply to me.” he sighs.

“You’re... “ Haise trails off, a little bit startled by the other’s randomness.

_How is someone in his situation so cheerful?_

"You’re not exactly a rabbit either.” Haise points out.

“True!” Hide agrees, then looks at Haise with pleading eyes “You’re gonna come back to talk to me again, right? Please?”

 _I can’t just leave him alone in this world,_ Haise realizes. _I was like him once too… completely and utterly alone._

“Of course I will.” he promises, to Hide’s utmost delight. “I should really be going now though.”

He gives the ghost a small smile, and proceeds to climb down from the play structure with as much grace as he can muster.

“Come back tomorrow!” Hide calls out as Haise straightens up his coat.

“I will, definitely!” is the immediate reply.

 _I think I’d like to learn more about ghosts._ Haise decides.

“If you don’t I’ll haunt you!” Hide cries, and Haise waves at him before he heads home to the 1st Ward.

“Good night, Hide!”

Haise can’t suppress the grin that stretches across his face immediately afterwards.

_What an interesting friend I’ve made._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't believe me that they were sitting on top of a giant whale please refer to this glorious manga cap: http://mangadoom.co/Tokyo-Ghoul/62/16/


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is painful but it needed to be written im sooooo sorry :/

**2 years earlier….**

When Hide first came to consciousness, he was lying in the sewers where he had encountered Kaneki during the Anteiku raid. The last thing he could recall was offering his body to his dying best friend.. and asking him if he was able to go all-out one last time. 

The half-ghoul had leaned in towards him, the distance so short that Hide could feel Kaneki's jagged breath against his cheeks...

but then suddenly everything went black.

_Where did Kaneki go?_

He sat up and scanned the area, all that could be seen and heard were the ominous drips and moaning echoes of the sewers ahead. There was not a single soul anywhere in sight.

 _Did Kaneki win the fight?_   _Is he hurt?_

_More importantly- what am I doing just sitting here?!_

Hide sprang to his feet, however, he immediately noticed that something about himself was very  _wrong_. He could not feel his legs, nor any other part of his body. He could see it, and control it, but when he did there was no usual sensation of muscles moving or blood flowing.

There was just nothing.

_That's weird... I feel so light._ _Was I drugged or something?_

He glanced down and realized that he was also still wearing the uniform that the CCG had given him before they set out on the Owl Suppression Operation. The entire thing was in shambles, completely ruined by the catastrophe that had gone down the previous night.

 _None of this is important right now,_ he reminded himself, _I have to find Kaneki!_

Hide immediately set off to search for his friend with that strange, weightless sensation spread throughout his body.

He climbed out of the sewers, only to find the streets filled with debris and devoid of life.

 _The 20th ward must still be closed off,_ he realized.

Determined to find Kaneki, Hide ran to the first place he could think of: Anteiku.

His heart sank in his chest when he set his eyes upon the small coffee shop's remains.

Where Anteiku should have been, there was instead a group of construction workers loading massive piles of wood and rubble into trucks. 

_The CCG... they really went through with it._

Hide frowned, even though Kaneki hadn't actually worked there in months, it was obvious his friend had come to regard the place as home. Now that he knew for sure that it was run by other ghouls, he supposed that Touka and the rest of the staff there must have helped Kaneki in a way that he, a human, never could have. The memories he created there must have meant a lot to him.

_Kaneki... where are you?_

Feeling incredibly disheartened, Hide figured he could ask one of the construction workers if they knew any useful information.

"Excuse me, sir?" He called out to a bearded man who was pushing a wheelbarrow of broken cups and dishes, "Were there any bodies found inside the shop?"

The man didn't even glance in Hide's direction; he just ignored the blonde completely and continued with his work.

_Maybe he was spacing out?_

Hide deliberately planted himself right in front of the man, waved his arms in the air rather comically, and tried to meet his gaze.

"Excuse me sir? Could I ask you a few questions?"

The worker stared ahead blindly as if Hide were not right there in front of him. Without warning, and before Hide could move out of the way, the man pushed his wheelbarrow directly _through_ Hide's body, as if the boy were only a projection, and then he walked right through Hide himself.

_What...? What just happened?_

Hide soon realized that none of the people he came across could see or hear him, and when he tried to touch things, his hands simply phased right through as if they were made of smoke.

 _Am I... ?_  

He felt a rush of panic, however, the sudden realization of the depth of his situation just made his desire to find Kaneki even stronger.

_I need to find him, I'm sure he'll know what to do._

He set off at a run, praying fiercely that his friend was safe.

_Kaneki_

_Kaneki_

_Kaneki_

The name replayed over and over like a scratched record inside his head.

_Kaneki, where are you?_

 

* * *

  

Hide was always rather skilled at reading other people. He would observe their habits, and could easily tell when something was out of the ordinary. He liked to think he more or less understood his best friend as well up until the incident with Rize.

The incident that changed everything.

_Where could Kaneki have gone?_

Hide racked his brain for ideas, and came up with several different possibilities.

He thoroughly checked every coffee shop, bookstore, and prison cell, as well as every dusty corner and dark alley of the city.

There were ghouls all right. Thousands of them, more than Hide ever could have imagined lurked the intricate streets of Tokyo.

But nowhere did he find the half-ghoul he so desperately sought.

Hide was usually a very determined person. When he set a goal for himself, his motivation never swayed, and he couldn’t rest easy until he achieved his purpose.

But... after weeks and weeks of obsessive search, Nagachika Hideyoshi began to lose his resolve. There were no clues to work with, nor any people he could ask for help.

Either Kaneki Ken did not want to be found, or he had disappeared from existence. Or worse.

It was only when Hide had stopped and taken a good look at himself, at his insubstantial form which had remained completely unchanged for months, did he give up at long last.

 _What made me think that he would be able to see me anyways?_ Hide asked himself bitterly, _I feel lik_ _e I'm searching for nothing,_

He could feel a dense, all-consuming despair spread throughout his entirety.

_I didn't want to admit it, but Kaneki is probably dead._

_....._

_And I probably am too._

He wanted so badly to weep- to let the pain escape, but his cursed intangible self couldn’t produce a single tear.

 _What do I do now?_ he thought miserably, _I can’t exactly go home._

He looked down at his tattered clothes, and grimaced at the distressing memory of how they became that way. They seemed to be immaterial as well, because when he tried to take them off they just slid through his hands.

 _I guess I’m stuck with these._  he sighed.  _I wish I at least had my headphones._

He looked up and took in his surroundings. He was standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk in front of a movie theatre. Some strangers were walking through his body; school girls gossiping about their classmates, a young couple holding hands, an old lady carrying grocery bags...

Everyone had things to do, people to meet, and places to be… but all Hide had was pain and time. Lots of time.

 _I need some sort of distraction_ , He realized.

He turned his head to stare at the garish theatre beside him, and scanned all of the promotional movie posters plastered against the wall.

 _The Ghoul Assassin.. that doesn’t sound half bad._ Hide took a deep breath and walked right through the front door. _Sneaking into a movie sounds like a start._

 

* * *

 

He spent the next few weeks watching movies, sitting through classes at Kamii university, and going to book readings at different libraries.

The distractions contented him for a little while, but, as he expected, they soon began to lose their appeal.

_Why does everything I do feel wrong without Kaneki beside me?_

Dejectedly, Hide spent the following months wandering the city. He walked aimlessly through cars, buildings, and even people. Just because he could.

 _Is this what death is?_ He wondered as a mother pushed her child's stroller through his torso, _An eternity of loneliness?_

Eventually, Hide realized that he had become very tired.

It wasn't a physical tiredness of course, it was more so as if his soul itself was becoming numb.

He wished that he could fall into an endless unconsciousness.

 

* * *

  

One summer night, Hide accidentally stumbled upon the fated little park. He immediately recognized the creaky swing set and gaudy whale structure.

 _Kaneki and I used to gaze at the stars from up there…_ he remembered wistfully.

The two boys would spend hours stretched out beside each other, munching on unhealthy snacks, and talking about mindless nothings.

The memories attached to this park were some of his most cherished, and for the first time since he had become this ghostly being, Hide found himself truly smiling.

_I wish we could do that again._

With nothing to lose, he settled himself atop the structure and hugged his knees close to his chest.

_I miss you, Kaneki._

He sighed, and looked up at the night sky.

_There are so many things I didn’t get a chance to tell you._

Hide lingered at that park from then on. It was a pleasant place.

He was finally beginning to tolerate his existence when a very familiar looking stranger dressed in a CCG uniform wandered in and climbed up right onto Kaneki’s old spot atop the whale.

It was on that eventful evening that Hide began to feel hopeful again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill me ahhhhg
> 
> also: the next chapter will be back to the present day ~


	3. 3

As Haise walks home that summer night, he can’t seem to get his strange new acquaintance out of his head.

_You’d think ghosts would be gloomy or scary, but Hide isn’t like that at all._

_In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so…_

_lively._

He grins cheekily at his own pun.

 _I want to learn more about ghosts,_ he muses as he finally makes it back to the Chateau.

It is nearly midnight when he arrives, and the place is dark and quiet- his housemates have all retired for the night.

Haise tiptoes discreetly through the corridor, but before he makes it to his room he notices a stream of light peeking out from beneath Saiko’s door.

_For someone who sleeps so much, you’d think she’d go to bed earlier._

Haise knocks softly on the wood of her door.

“Saiko, it’s me.” he says in a hushed voice “Can I come in?”

“Only ‘cause it’s you,” She replies distractedly from within, “Just gimme a sec to finish this battle.”

When he enters, he sees that his comrade is sprawled out on her bed holding one of her many handheld gaming systems. He also disapprovingly notices the stuffy air and multitude of snack wrappers strewn about the place.

Haise sighs tiredly to himself. _I need to start pushing her to be healthy..._

“FEEL THE WRATH OF MY SACRED BATTLE AXE!” Saiko shrieks, then proceeds to mash several buttons rather violently “THAT’S RIGHT, DIE! DIE!”

She then begins to laugh maniacally, and Haise is surprised that she hasn’t woken anyone up with the noise. 

Basking in the afterglow of her victory, Saiko eventually sets the game down on the already cluttered night stand to give Haise her full attention. When she sees her mentor’s hard expression, her smug grin quickly fades.

“You’re not here to lecture me about responsibilities right?” She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously “‘Cause Shirazu already tried today but it was so boring I couldn’t pay attention.”

“I’m not here to yell at you,” he assures her.

_Though I guess It’s good to know that at least Shirazu is taking his position as leader somewhat seriously._

“I actually had some questions for you about something different.” he concedes.

_Maybe Saiko knows a thing or two about this sort of stuff?_

“Ah, thank god,” Looking visibly relieved, she proceeds to push some chip bags off the edge of her bed. She then pats on the cleared area and motions for Haise to sit down.

“Thanks,” he replies and accepts the proffered seat.

The quincke girl nods in satisfaction “So what’s up?”

 _Here goes nothing,_ Haise thinks.

“Saiko,” he begins nervously “Do you believe in ghosts?”

“Ghosts?” She echoes in confusion, “Why ghosts?”

Haise unconsciously lifts his hand up to rub his chin, as he often does when he’s telling a lie.

“I’m reading about them in a book.”

 _I don’t think I should tell anybody about Hide just yet,_ he thinks.

“Ahh, I shoulda’ guessed” Saiko says, then claps him on the back “You’re such a bookworm.”

“I suppose so.” He shrugs bashfully.

“Well, I definitely think ghosts are real.” She tells him in earnest “Ghouls exist, so of course ghosts can too.”

“Exactly!” Haise agrees with delight. “Do you know anything about them?”

Saiko flashes him a cheeky grin. “God yes, do you know how many horror games I’ve played?”

 _I really hope all of her knowledge isn’t based off of video games…_ he thinks, _I’ll have to take it with a grain of salt._

“How do you think people become ghosts?” he asks.

“Oh, that’s easy,” she begins confidently, and Haise listens with apt attention. “You see, when a person’s body dies, their soul can’t stay in it anymore. Souls are supposed to go to the afterlife right away, but some of them stay here on earth instead even though they don’t have a physical body any more. That’s what ghosts are.”

“I see,” he murmurs, genuinely impressed with her insightfulness.

He remembers how Hide’s hand simply slid through his own when they attempted to shake.

 _Where is his real body?_ he wonders, _6 feet underground?_

The thought makes Haise feel nauseous.

“Why would a soul stay behind if they have no body?” he asks.

“There are tonnes of reasons for that,” Saiko explains knowledgeably “It depends on the person. I think that usually they’re attached to the earth because they have some sort of unfinished business. Like, it’s something so important to them that they can’t move on peacefully because of it."

“Okay… so, for example, maybe they were looking for something?” Haise suggests, “Answers to a question, or a physical object, or perhaps even a person...”

“Yeah something like that.” She agrees with fervour.

"So then, for a ghost to finally move on, they’d have to find what they were looking for, right?”

 _What is it that’s keeping Hide stuck here?_  Haise ponders, _Maybe there’s a way I can help him._

“That’s true, but...” Saiko considers the question for a few moments. “Sometimes these things are impossible to find, for whatever reason.”

Haise’s heart sinks in his chest. _Impossible?_

“What happens, then?” he asks hesitantly.

“The ghost would probably just have to accept that what they want is lost forever.” Saiko shrugs. “If not, they’re stuck wandering earth endlessly.”

 _That’s tragic,_ he thinks solemnly.

“Anything else you wanna ask?” Saiko stares back at him with lazy but inquiring grey eyes.

“I think… I have one more question” Haise swallows anxiously, “Why can some people see ghosts when others can’t?”

“That, I dunno,” She scratches her head dubiously “Maybe they have some sorta’ connection to it? ‘Could be anything.”

_A connection? But Hide clearly said that he doesn’t know me..._

A sleepy yawn bubbles up and escapes him, and Haise decides that it’s about time he retires for the night. Often, he forgets that ghouls need to sleep too. Especially half-ghouls like himself.

 _Do ghosts sleep?_ He wonders dreamily.

“I think that’s about all of the questions I had.” he announces, and the mattress springs creak in protest as he gets up off the bed “Thanks for everything, Saiko.”

“No prob, _Maman._ ” She waggles her eyebrows at the use of his silly nickname. “By the way, can you make hotpot for lunch tomorrow? There's something about your motherly touch that makes it extra delicious.”

“Sure thing,” he replies contentedly, always rather fond of her praise of his cooking, "Get some sleep now though, okay?”

“Ugh, fine,” she groans in a childish manner then throws the covers over her head. “Can you close the light?”

Haise obliges, then adds a hushed “Goodnight, Saiko.”

“G’night” is the muffled reply, and he closes the door with a faint click and heads over to his own room to retire for the day.

 _If I’m going to help Hide, I’ll need to find out more about how he died,_ he muses.

Haise falls asleep that night wondering what exactly it is that’s so effectively tethering his new friend to the earth.

* * *

 

“Here are your coffees,” Kirishima says as she places the steaming cups on the table before the two ghoul investigators “One black and one double-double.”

“Thank you very much!” Mutsuki squeaks shyly.

“Yes, thank you.” Haise agrees, and he receives a small smile from the violet-haired barista in return.

The gesture induces a bereft yet nostalgic feeling in his gut that he doesn’t quite understand.

“Please enjoy,” she says earnestly, then dutifully returns to the bar area.

 _First with Hide, and now with Kirishima too… I just can’t shake this feeling of familiarity,_ Haise watches her as she gracefully wipes the wooden counter with a cloth, _Did I know them personally? Were we friends?_

_Hide said he didn’t know me, but perhaps I looked and acted different, or maybe he lost some of his memories too...?_

Haise looks down at his coffee, and sees his own pensive face reflected in it’s russet colour.

_Who was I before my memories were taken away?_

Since he started working at the CCG, Haise has never really felt the desire to regain his missing memories. No one has told him explicitly, but he can certainly tell from Arima and Akira’s watchful eyes, as well as from the initial trepidation of other CCG members that before the operation, he had been a monster. A truly inhuman beast.

It was an impossible stroke of luck, a sheer miracle, that the CCG’s talented scientists were able to suppress such a terrifying thing inside of him. 

Haise is genuinely grateful to them for this second chance. He has been dutifully trying to make the most of it as a ghoul investigator and mentor of the Quinx squad as penance.

Penance for acts he cannot remember.

 _But do I even want to remember?_ He asks himself.

For the past two years, he had been afraid of rediscovering his own withheld consciousness because he was under the impression that all he was missing out on was endless pain and insanity.

However, now... seeing faces like Kirishima’s and Hide’s- faces which supply him with confusing, yet unexpectedly pleasant emotions...

Haise cannot shake the feeling that there are people from his past that he once cared very deeply for.

People that are worth remembering.

_Perhaps I wasn’t always an outright monster._

He knows that if his memories come back to him, and he can’t control them, it will only result in trouble, but...

His curiosity is tempting him to let them back in.

“Uh, sir? Hello?”

Haise is snapped out of his reverie by Mutsuki, who is waving a hand in front of his face.

“Eh? Oh, sorry I spaced out there for a minute,” Haise replies with a faint blush.

“You seem distracted today, sir...” Mutsuki tells him worriedly “Are you sure you still want to discuss the Torso case here?”

“Of course! I promised Akira that we would solve it within a month!” Haise says purposefully “What were you saying?”

“Ah, well, I was just wondering..” Mutsuki says  “Could you explain to me once more why you think he’s a taxi driver…?”

* * *

 

The two ghoul investigators dutifully discuss details of their work in the cozy atmosphere of :re for the next few hours. Before they leave, Haise leaves Kirishima a very generous tip, as he usually does.

 _It’s getting dark out,_ he notices when he and Mutsuki exit the shop, _Hide is probably waiting for me._

“Hey, Mutsuki,” he places his hand on his comrade’s shoulder “Would you mind going on ahead without me? I have a few things to do.”

“Sure thing,” the other replies, and Haise bids him good night before setting off in the opposite direction.

“See you back at home!” his housemate calls out.

Once again, Haise’s feet lead him almost naturally to the designated place, moving as if of their own accord, following a route that one would believe he knows very well.

 _It’s possible,_ he considers, _Maybe I spent a lot of time at that park in my past…_

He spots the giant whale as he approaches, and as he expected, there is a hunched up figure sitting atop it.

 _He looks exactly the same as yesterday…_ Haise notes without surprise, _I wonder if this is what he looked like when he died_.

He quickly scans the area to ensure that nobody is nearby, then calls out to the figure with genuine ardor.

“Hide!”

The blonde turns around in surprise, and Haise waves breathlessly at him.

A smile much brighter than the one from yesterday stretches across Hide’s pale face, and Haise nearly loses himself in it’s brilliance.

 _So familiar…_ He shivers.

“I was beginning to think I had just imagined you.” Hide says with relief as Haise climbs up the structure to join him.

“I can definitely say the same,” Haise replies, stretching himself out comfortably, and the two exchange amused grins.

There is a charged silence, and neither the half-ghoul nor the ghost know what to say for a while.

“So, how was your day?” Hide finally asks.

Haise recalls his schedule; Meeting with Akira in the morning, training with Shirazu and Mutsuki afterwards, then he cooked them lunch, stopped by Arima's office to drop off a book, then spent the evening at :re with Mutsuki.

“It was a little bit long, but otherwise alright.” he replies contentedly, “How about yours?”

“Some birds chirped, a kid threw a frisbee through my head, and I tried to see if I could possess someone.” Hide shrugs indifferently “Overall, it wasn’t too bad.”

“Well, did it work?” Haise asks with amusement, “The possessing, I mean.”

“Unfortunately, no.” The blonde shakes his head disappointedly “Don’t believe what horror movies tell you. I feel so betrayed.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, though I don’t watch a lot of movies.” Haise hums cordially, “I prefer to read.” he adds as an afterthought.

“Oh yeah? What’s your favourite book?”

“Well, I just finished _A Crossbreed_ by Franz Kafka a few days ago, and I enjoyed it very much.” Haise tells him “Arima and I share books with each other a lot.”

“Hmm, I wonder…” Hide considers something for a moment, then eventually says, “If you’re into Kafka, you might really enjoy a certain author I know. Her stuff is sorta inspired by him.”

“What’s her name?” Haise asks with genuine interest.

“Takatsuki Sen- she’s a local author. Have you heard of her?”

“I can’t say I have” Haise replies “What has she written?”

“Well, there’s her debut work _Dear Kafka,_ as well as her later novels like _Salt and Opium, The Black Goat’s Egg,_ and _The Hanged Man’s McGuffin._ She’s even got an entire book filled with short stories called _Monochrome Rainbow,_ to name a few _._ ”

“You seem to know a lot about her.” the ghoul investigator points out “Were you a big fan of her before you d-”

Haise stops himself, unsure if it’s appropriate or not to mention death like it's not a big deal in front of a ghost.

"Before you.. err..."

“Before I died?” Hide confirms, clearly not at all uncomfortable, and Haise nods.

_I keep forgetting who I’m talking to..._

“My best friend was crazy for Takatsuki's stuff,” the blonde says softly “It’s a little bit too dark for me. I was more of a shonen-manga kind of guy, though I do enjoy some classic mystery, like Agatha Christie and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle...”

“Ahh, I see.” Haise murmurs.

_Who is this 'friend' that he keeps mentioning?_

“Errr, Hide, may I ask you something?” He asks timorously.

“Technically you just did.” he says lightly, “But go ahead and do it again.”

Haise swallows. “Is this the friend that I remind you of?”

Hide’s body visibly tenses up, and his gaze flits apprehensively to the ground.

Haise immediately regrets asking.

“Yes it is…” the ghost replies guardedly “I would really rather not talk about him though. Sorry.”

_This ‘friend’ must play a much bigger role in figuring out Hide than I initially thought…_

_Is he the one who ripped up Hide's clothes? The one who caused him so much pain?_

“That’s alright,” Haise smiles with understanding. “Let’s talk about something else.”

_I'll have to try and get information from him a little bit at a time._

“Please.” his companion agrees, and Haise wracks his brain for something, _anything,_ interesting to say.

_Hide said he was interested in ghouls before, right?_

“Hey, have you heard of a ghoul called Torso?” Haise asks the other curiously “Akira Mado challenged my colleague and I to identify his face within one month, but it’s not going very well…”

“I’ve never heard of him, sorry.” he says, scratching his head “Why is he called Torso? That’s a weird name.”

“We call him that because he only eats his victim’s torso. He doesn’t touch the head and legs for some reason.”

“That’s really strange,” Hide crosses his arms in a thoughtful manner, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a ghoul that doesn’t eat the whole thing.”

“Us either, his behaviour is really unusual.” Haise agrees.

“Do you know anything else about him?” Hide asks, and Haise notes that his eyes are blown wide with obvious fascination.

 _I really shouldn’t be disclosing all of this information.._ he thinks guiltily, _but then again, he can’t exactly tell anyone can he?_

“Well, nothing is certain but we think that he could be a taxi driver.” Haise says, having convinced himself that it would be a crime to disappoint someone so innocently interested “He seems to know his way around the city pretty well, and he interacts with a lot of humans on a daily basis.”

“That’s a very reasonable assumption.” Hide agrees passionately “He’s probably picky about what he eats… and having that sort of job gives him a lot of food options. Maybe he has some sort of fetish?”

“Why would someone have a torso fetish, of all things?” Haise ponders, thinking of his own dietary preferences.

The CCG supplies him with supposedly ‘clean’ meat, but to him it all tastes the same, regardless of what part of the body it came from. Though he usually tries not to think about it.

“Maybe the victims all had something in common?” Hide suggests “Like a belly tattoo, or a scar…”

“That’s… that’s actually a great idea,” Haise responds with surprise at the other’s insight, “I’ll have to look into that with my co-worker.”

“Glad to have been of help!” Hide chirps, and Haise thanks him with genuine gratitude.

“So, do you have any other interesting cases that you’re working on?” the blonde asks ardently.

Haise tells him about the pesty local dog that they mistook for a ghoul when they first started out, as well as some other amusing issues that his Q squad has had to deal with over the past two years.

Much too soon, it’s nearly midnight, and once again Haise is obliged to retire for the day.

“As much as I'd love to chat even longer, I really shouldn’t get in the habit of staying up this late.” he admits regretfully, and Hide’s cheery expression falters.

“Oh, I see,” he murmurs dolefully “You’re a busy guy and all that...”

“Hey, I never said I was going to stop coming altogether.” Haise is tempted to place his hand on the other’s shoulder, but stops himself with realization of just what would happen. “I’ll just come by at an earlier time tomorrow, is that alright with you?”

“Of course!” the other exclaims, his face lighting up yet again. “I’m always here so any time is fine!”

"Perfect, I'll see you soon, then."

"Yes! See you!"

Haise waves fondly at the ghost as he retreats.

 _That was nice,_ he thinks.  _Even if I didn't know Hide in my past... I'm glad I have the opportunity to get to know him now._

Once again, Sasaki Haise leaves the small park with a ticklish warmth spread throughout his body. 

_Hopefully I'll learn more about him tomorrow._


	4. 4

“Finally, we have a lead!" Mutsuki announces, marvelling at the dozen or so photos of possible suspects of Torso’s real identity.

The two ghoul investigators are at :re once again, in their usual spot, sipping refreshing iced coffee and discussing the details of their work.

“Your idea to look for scars on each victim was our breakthrough!” Mutsuki beams at his mentor, who in turn, rubs his chin with guilt.

After all, it wasn’t exactly _he_ who came up with the idea.

"Yeah, well.." He dismisses the compliment with a shrug, but his comrade presses further.

“It’s true, sir! Now we know that Torso is a taxi driver, and that he hangs around hospitals to look for scarred women. Finding him with all of this information will be so much easier!”

Thanks to Hide’s suggestion, Haise and Mutsuki now actually have a chance at capturing the ghoul in question within the one month time limit; a feat Haise was beginning to doubt that he could accomplish.

 _I owe you one, Hide,_ he thinks amicably.

“We only have five days left.” he says to his younger partner “We are going to have to split up to investigate each potential area if we want to find him before the deadline. I even think we should start today, just to get a head start.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Mutsuki glances at his watch for a brief moment “It's only 11:00. We still have plenty of time.”

"Great!” Haise says “Why don’t you check all of the taxi drivers around the hospital in the 3rd ward, and I’ll check those around the one in 14th.”

“Sure thing! I’ll head over there right after we’re finished up here!” Mutsuki squeaks, taking a long sip of his drink.

“No rush, I have a strong feeling that we’ll find him.” 

_Hopefully before he kills any more innocent people.._

"What do you think of that ghoul that the Hirako squad is investigating?” Mutsuki asks his mentor curiously “What was his name? Serpent?”

“Yeah, he’s a weird one.” Haise replies “Apparently he’s been hunting other ghouls.”

“Hmmm...” Mutsuki thoughtfully taps his finger nails against the glass in his hands “Doesn’t cannibalism make ghouls stronger? Is it really that unusual?”

“It does make them stronger, however this guy isn’t hunting them to eat, as far as we can tell. He must have an ulterior motive.”

“Is he really such a problem then? I mean he is doing our job for us, in a way.”

“I never thought of it like that.” Haise says, bewildered by the suggestion. “He is a ghoul either way though, and the CCG eliminates all ghouls regardless of their behaviour, for the safety of the people of course.”

 _That is, with one exception,_ Haise realizes, staring down at his own pale hands.

Mutsuki takes another sip of his coffee, emptying the glass of amber liquid until only a few shiny ice cubes remain.

“Ahhh, that was refreshing!” he sighs contentedly “Kirishima-san’s drinks always hit the spot.”

The barista herself is dusting off a bookshelf near the register, seemingly oblivious to her customer’s compliments.

“Mutsuki, since you’re done you can go on ahead of me.” Haise says “I’ll stay back and pay for our coffees.”

“Are you sure, sir?” he asks uncertainly “I feel bad, you’re always taking care of me and everyone else.”

“Only because I like to.” Haise gives the other a fond smile, “Go on now, okay? And remember that if you find someone suspicious, don’t do anything alone. Let me know right away!”

“Alright.” Mutsuki bows slightly, then leaves the shop with a modest “Thank you again!”

“See you tonight!” Haise calls after him.

“Bye!”

The tinkling bells indicate that Mutsuki has exited :re, and Haise notes that he still has ample time to both check out the hospital and visit Hide like he promised.

_He'll be so thrilled when I tell him how he saved our investigation._

Haise finishes off his own iced coffee, then collects all of the files and photographs on the table. Feeling rather optimistic, he heads over to the register area to pay for his and Mutsuki’s tab. Kirishima is there but she's busy with another customer, so Haise waits patiently for them to finish up so he can leave too.

He glances absently at the shelf that Kirishima was dusting earlier. Sometimes customers come into the shop just to sip coffee and read; Haise included. There's something about the tranquil and cozy atmosphere of coffee shops that he adores for such a thing. He scans through the dozens of novels and magazines of various genres. He's looked through them before but this time, one particular novel jumps out at him the most. He pulls it out and examines the slightly weathered cover.

_The Black Goat’s Egg by Takatsuki Sen.. isn’t this a book by that author that Hide recommended to me?_

“I had a feeling you’d pick that up.” A cool voice says from beside him. Haise turns to see that Kirishima is done with her other customer, and now observing him thoughtfully. “You can borrow it, if you like.”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you. Thanks.” Haise replies, and Kirishima smiles sweetly at him.

“Don’t mention it, you’re one of our regulars after all.”

Haise carefully tucks the novel into his bag, and proceeds to pay her for the drinks.

He thanks her one last time, and heads out to catch the train to the 14th ward so he too can get a head start on the Torso investigation.

_Then, I’ll stop by the park on my way home._

 

* * *

  

After a short walk he arrives at the station. It's always incredibly busy, this is Tokyo after all, and he sees on the digital screen that his train will arrive in 45 minutes.

 _I’ve got quite a wait, don’t I?_ He glances around the terminal in search of a vacant bench, and miraculously finds one facing the tracks on the other end of the platform.

He pulls out  _The Black Goat’s Egg,_  and slowly runs his fingers along the spine. The book is slightly worn, as if it has been lovingly read over many, many times. 

On the inside cover, Haise spots the initials  _K.K_ written in black fountain pen.

_Not T.K? Isn’t Kirishima’s first name Touka?_

Haise leans back against the bench, making himself comfortable.

_Maybe someone gave this to her. Perhaps a sibling…_

The ghoul investigator simply shrugs to himself.

_Regardless, this should occupy me for the next quarter hour._

He flips to the first page and plunges in headfirst.

 

* * *

 

Haise spends about four hours observing different taxi drivers near the hospital in the 14th ward, however, nothing seems unordinary or dubious about any of them. They don’t smell or act like ghouls should, and for that reason he doubts that any could be suspicious.

_I'll just have to check the next hospital tomorrow._

He tries not to let the lack of progress discourage him, and reminds himself that he still has a few days left to identify, and hopefully capture the troublesome ghoul.

_Of course, Mutsuki, or even Urie and Shirazu could find him too. I hope they don't do anything rash if they're first._

Haise approaches the small park for the third time that week. The sky is cloudless and the sun is shining brilliantly, creeping slowly towards the horizon where it will soon set. Thankfully there are no families or children around, as they are most likely eating dinner at home.

The giant resident whale stares blankly at him, and he realizes that Hide's figure is not there.

He glances around worriedly, but is relieved when he spots him seated on one of the swings, with his feet dangling down freely, instead of up in their normal spot.

"Hey!” the ghoul investigator says, claiming the swing beside his friend. “Nice afternoon, isn’t it?”

“Ah, hey, Haise.” the other replies, taken a little bit off guard "Yeah it's lovely out today."

Haise notices immediately that his friend is not in as cheerful a mood as usual. He wears an uncharacteristically heavy expression, and Haise hopes that his good news will chase it away.

“Guess what?” He says, and the blonde turns his head in bewilderment.

“What?”

“Remember that case I told you about yesterday?” Haise asks, and the other gives him a nod “Well, we now have 13 suspects, all thanks to your scar theory! It really saved us, we definitely owe you one.”

Hide flashes one of his usually contagious grins, but this time it seems empty. Fake.

_Or have they always been like this, and I’ve just started noticing their true nature now?_

“Glad I could be useful.” Hide replies, and Haise can't help but feel a little bit disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm.

The two dangle on the swings aimlessly for a few moments, completely alone within the small playground, only the ominous squeaking of the swing set tinkling in their ears. Haise then remembers the book that Kirishima lent him sitting in his bag, and takes it out as another attempt to cheer up his friend.

“Look at what I started reading,” he shows the other his borrowed copy of _The Black Goat’s Egg._ “I really like it so far, thank you for recommending it to me!”

The blonde stares at it with a melancholic look in his eyes as if it were not just a worn out book in Haise's hands but something more- like a polaroid of an old friend..

 _I'm thinking too much_ , Haise decides.

"No problem, I hope you enjoy the ending.” the blonde replies, briefly meeting Haise's gaze “There’s a surprising twist.”

“I’m sure I will.” Haise grins in return, then tucks the book back away in his bag “I didn’t expect your friend to have such morbid taste in literature.”

“Yeah, that’s a pretty gruesome story.” the other agrees, but his eyes trickling down to stare at the sand below their feet.

Haise sees his own footprints leading from the edge of the sandbox to his swing, however, the sand beneath Hide remains completely smooth- a second pair of prints nonexistent.

“Perhaps that’s exactly why he liked Takatsuki’s stuff so much.” Hide mumbles, mostly to himself “He probably found it relatable.”

_Relatable…?_

There is something wrong about Hide's expression, and it strikes Haise very suddenly, because it is full of deep sorrow, brimming with despair, and Haise realizes suddenly that _this_ is Hide’s reality. This isn't a fictional story.

_A ghost._

_He's a ghost, and he has been suffering more and more each day for god knows how long._

Haise nearly facepalms himself for his utter stupidity.

 _What am I doing?_ He asks his brain incredulously. _I’ve been wasting so much time... chatting with him about the weather and geeking out about books. Not to mention so selfishly worrying about my own memories._

_These things are so unimportant. How could I forget exactly who it is I’m talking to?_

Haise feels the need to stand up and prove his point, to show Hide how serious he is, so he hops off the swing and plants himself right in front of the ghost to look him square in the eyes.

“Hide, I’ve been a very bad friend to you.” He says adamantly, his resolve now rock solid.

"… what do you mean?” the other asks guardedly.

_I need to be completely honest with him._

“You’ve been here, suffering alone, for such a dreadfully long time.” Haise says, and Hide appears taken aback by the direction of their conversation.

“And finally someone shows up who can see you, who can _help you-_ but all I’ve been doing is wasting time talking about trifling things."

“Haise,” he replies with false assurance “I’m fine, really. Stop wor-”

“No,” the ghoul investigator says, interrupting his friend's denial. He grips the chains suspending Hide’s swing with both hands, which creates a creaky rattling noise, and Hide jolts slightly at the suddenness of it. “You’re lying. I know you’re not happy living like this. I can see it in the way you smile. It’s not genuine. I don’t know how I can tell, I just can.”

Hide remains quiet- too frazzled by Haise’s stubbornness to protest.

"Maybe in another life we could have done this properly. This strange but wonderful friendship... " Haise trails off, "But not now. Not with you like _this_. We have to stop deluding ourselves.”

He can see the ghost bite down stubbornly on his trembling bottom lip, clearly apprehensive about finally acknowledging the elephant in the room. (Or rather, in the park)

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how much you are hurting. Please- please let me help you.” Haise implores, and Hide’s chestnut eyes grow wide. “Let’s figure this out together.

“Okay.” he agrees weakly, “But… what do we do?”

Haise lights up, hope spreading inside of him because finally, Hide will let him in.

“You need to tell me what happened to you.” Haise says, taking a seat in the sand right in front of him so he can look at him as he speaks “How your clothes got shredded, why your friend likes horror stories.. everything. Tell me everything.”

 


	5. 5

“I don’t want to say his name,” Hide says with an apologetic look on his face “It’s too painful, I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright.” Haise assures him.

The two have relocated to the top of the whale again, and are now sitting cross-legged and facing each other.

“Don’t push yourself,” he says “Just tell me what you can.”

"Okay.” Hide agrees, then steels himself with a deep breath “I’ll start from the very beginning.”

He begins his story with a wistful yet forlorn expression.

_Here we go._

“We were children when we met,” the ghost begins, “But I guess you could say that I kind of forced myself on him at first. He was always a bit shy and reserved- the type of person who would rather get lost in a book then go to a party.”

Haise nods, listening with apt interest.

“When we were ten, his mother passed away. He had already lost his dad when he was four, and his only remaining relatives weren’t very nice to him, so all he really had left was me. That’s why I swore to myself that I would always be there for him, no matter what. Throughout all of our years in school together, he and I were inseparable. There was this American restaurant, Big Girl, that we went to all the time…” A somber grin spreads across Hide’s freckled face “I think their burgers reminded him of his mother’s cooking. We came to this park a lot too. We’d lay down right here in this very spot to gaze at the stars, pointing out different constellations, sometimes for hours on end. Those were the good days." 

“What changed?” Haise ponders.  
  
"Well, when he and I were freshmen at Kamii, we started going to this little cafe called Anteiku in the 20th Ward.” Hide continues “It’s gone now, but at the time he became fascinated with this girl named Rize who frequented the place because she read Takatsuki. We had no idea that she was a ghoul.”

Hide’s gaze casts down with visible regret.

“If only I had discouraged him a little more... this whole tragedy could have been avoided."

“What happened on their date?” Haise asks, afraid of the answer.

"I'm not sure of the exact details.” Hide tells him “She attacked him of course, but then there was some sort of construction accident. Rize was killed, and my friend was seriously injured. They saved his life by transplanting her organs into his body, but.. I later learned that the surgery turned him half-ghoul too."

Tensing up, Haise folds his arms in on himself.

_Half-ghoul... like me..._

“After that, everything changed,” Hide continues, “Neither of us knew right away what they had done to him, so after he was admitted from the hospital I took him to celebrate at Big Girl. Strangely, everything he ate made him throw up, even his favourite burger. He skipped school for a few weeks after that. I was worried, of course, but I thought maybe he just needed some space to heal, so I brought him notes from class so he wouldn’t fall behind.

“He came back one day with an eyepatch and new love for black coffee. What struck me the most though, was that he had this exhausted, hopeless look. It felt wrong, because he was usually such an optimist. I became suspicious, and even when I asked him directly if he was eating properly he just insisted that he was fine.

“Later that same day, he and I were attacked by a different ghoul. I was knocked out immediately so I didn’t see anything, but when I woke up I was in Anteiku, that coffee shop from before, and banged up pretty badly. I was laying on a guest bed when I overheard him talking to the manager. That’s when my suspicions were confirmed.

“He had also gotten injured during the fight, and the smell of my blood, of... of human meat, had tempted his new ghoul instincts. He nearly lost control and devoured me. I can remember the sound of his sobbing so clearly- he was devastated by what he had become, and agreed with the manager that the only way to keep me safe from other ghouls and from himself was to distance himself from me.

“So he got a job at Anteiku, which was actually run by friendly ghouls, and they taught him how to hunt and survive. Of course, I didn’t care that he had become a ghoul. He was my best friend, and I still trusted him more than anyone. Even if he believed he was a danger to me, I couldn’t just let him walk out of my life after all we had been through.”

Hide frowns, and scratches his arm shyly.

“He started to avoid me after that, saying he was busy with work or something whenever I invited him out. The only time I saw him was when I deliberately visited Anteiku, since he couldn’t avoid me there. A few months later though... he disappeared completely. Even from the shop. There were posters of his face plastered all over the neighbourhood, and I was absolutely sick with worry.

"Out of desperation to find him, I joined the CCG as an errand boy. I hoped that I might overhear some information about his whereabouts, and I did, thankfully. I discovered that he was alive, but his appearance had changed, and he was living as an SS rated ghoul that the CCG called ‘Eyepatch’. To my horror though, he was deemed by them as absolutely insane.”

 _Eyepatch.._ Haise echoes internally, _that sounds familiar..._

"Do you know what cannibalism does to ghouls?" Hide asks him warily.  
  
"Er, yes. It makes them stronger.” the ghoul investigator replies “But at a very high price."   
  
"That’s right,” the other confirms in a soft voice “It makes them lose their minds. And for him, it nearly took away what was left of his humanity. He had become a true monster... a _kakuja._ ”

Haise swallows nervously.

_Why do I feel as if I’ve heard this story before…?_

“The last time I met my friend was the night that I died.” Hide reveals.

_Oh, oh no…_

_Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say._

Hide is quiet for a while, and Haise shivers in fear of what he somehow knows is coming.

"It was when the CCG had raided Anteiku that I finally found him. He was below in the sewers, bleeding and broken. When I approached him, he murmured my name and told me to run, because his madness had gotten so severe that he could barely control his bloodlust.

“Seeing him in such a state broke my heart more than anything…" Hide's voice cracks with emotion, and Haise suddenly feels terrible making him recall such horrible memories, "He had given up so much of himself to get stronger so he could protect me, and his new friends from Anteiku too… he really didn’t deserve any of this. The CCG was coming to exterminate him, and he was too weak to escape, so I did the only thing that I could…”

“No…” Haise whispers, and Hide nods his head gravely.

“I gave myself to him, so that he could survive, and have a chance, however small, at becoming his lovely gentle self again, instead of dying as a monster.”

There is a charged silence for a few moments, and Haise feels a somber sensation bubble in his chest.

“You must have loved him very much, to do such a thing.” he says, and Hide smiles at him.

Haise can tell that this time, Hide's smile is genuine.

“I loved him more than anything.” He admits tenderly “And I would do it all again, just for him.”

 _How romantic,_ Haise thinks, and he can't help but feel slightly jealous.

“Where is he now? Did he manage to escape?”

Hide shakes his head dismally.

“I don’t know.... after I woke up like this-” he gestures to his ghostly body “I searched for him, for months straight, all day and night, but I found nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

_He’s still missing?!_

_Oh god, it can’t be..._

_Hide’s story, my lost memories…_

_It all fits so perfectly- but I don’t want it to be true…_

_Because then I would’ve been the one to have done this to him._

“Did my sacrifice not work?” Hide asks, his voice hoarse with despair “Was it all for nothing?”

If Hide could cry in his state of being, Haise is sure he would be sobbing right now. He has never seen someone so utterly anguished.

“I’ve felt so helpless this entire time…” He croaks, taking a deep breath, “The person I loved most in the world had to suffer so much and there was absolutely nothing I could do. It’s just so unfair.“

 _Should I tell him?_ Haise rubs his chin worriedly.

_But what if I’m wrong? It’s only a possibility, after all.._

_What if it’s all just a coincidence and I hurt him even more?_

On a whim, he lifts his hand up to Hide’s knee. He can’t feel it, of course, but he holds it up anyways to create the illusion that he is. He feels awkward but he hopes the gesture is comforting, nonetheless.

“Hide,” he murmurs soothingly “It’s going to be all right, you’re not alone anymore. I’m here, and I want to help you.”  
  
The ghost nods morosely, and Haise takes a deep breath too.

 _I should look into this ‘eyepatch’ before I say anything about my own memories,_ Haise decides, _but the least I can do is tell him that I’m a ghoul._ _I owe him that much honesty._

“There’s something important I should tell you about me before we do anything though. Depending on which, you may or may not continue to trust me...”

Hide blinks a few times, "What is it?” 

Haise opens his mouth to speak, but he halts when he hears the clicking sound of footsteps getting louder and louder.

The ghost and the ghoul investigator direct their attention to the disruption, and they spy an older man dressed in khakis and a shoddy t-shirt approaching their park.

 _Dammit, please don’t stop here,_ Haise pleads, _I was just about to say something important._

Sure enough the man spots the ghoul investigator up atop the whale, and shoots him a questioning look. He then proceeds to sprawl himself out on a nearby park bench, lighting up a cigarette.

“I was hoping he wouldn’t come today.” Hide says tiredly, knowing that the man can’t hear him “What terrible timing.”

 _He must be homeless,_ Haise curses inwardly at his luck, _I can’t speak freely about me being a ghoul with this civilian right there..._

Haise pulls out his cell phone and types out a message. He then slides the phone in front of Hide.

 **[Do you think he will stay here for very long?]** It says.

Hide nods his head despondently “He usually stays the night, unfortunately.”

Haise sighs, then types out another question.

**[Should I come back tomorrow???]**

“Yeah, that would be best.” the ghost agrees.

**[I’ll be back, then. See you soon, Hide :-) ]**

“Until tomorrow,” he replies.

Haise gives Hide a promising look, then proceeds to let himself down from the whale structure. He straightens his coat, and nods politely at the homeless man.

The man nods back, then tilts his head back to puff out a large plume of smoke, which swirls into the air and rises high into the clouds.

 

* * *

 

After leaving the park, Haise heads straight to CCG headquarters in the 1st ward. He enters the huge glass building through a secret door at the back, since he and the rest of the Q squad can’t pass through the RC scan gates at the entrance.

Many CCG staff members have gone home for the evening, so the usually bustling hallways are rather empty at this time. He hops in an elevator to the fourth floor, and makes his way over to the archive room; a huge space where detailed records of every single ghoul and ghoul related incident are sorted into rows upon rows of filing cabinets.

 _Eyepatch…_ he thinks, as he searches through a cabinet labelled D-E.

_Demon Yamada, Dogu, Donato Porpora, Eto, Enji Koma…_

To Haise’s dismay, the name doesn’t show up. He scans through the rest of the cabinets, just to be sure that the file wasn’t just accidentally misplaced.

He is about to triple check the D-E cabinet when a woman’s voice says into his ear,

“You’re looking in the wrong section.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees the dainty face of Mado Akira peering over his shoulder.

“Akira, you scared me!” he yelps, caught very much off guard by her sudden comment.

“You were so focused that you didn’t even sense my approach.” she accuses him “You need to be more observant.” 

“Yes, mother.” he replies jokingly, but receives an unamused look in return.

“Please don’t call me that.” she sighs, and Haise shrugs sheepishly. It's nice calling someone else 'mother' for once. “Aren’t you looking for files on Torso? Why are you in the D-E section?”

“Ah, no, I’m not looking for Torso...” Haise trails off uncertainly, but then figures that Akira might know a thing or two about the ghoul he’s searching for since she’s been around much longer than he has “I’m looking for files on a ghoul called Eyepatch. Have you heard of him?”

Haise is sure that she recognizes the name by her astonished expression, but she shakes her head, a little bit too quickly.

“No I haven’t.” she replies evasively “You should be focusing on the Torso case since there are only four days left before the deadline. Don't get distracted.”

“I’ll find Torso on time,” Haise responds assuringly. “We’ve got some great leads.”

“Good,” she places a hand on his back and gently ushers him away from the cabinets, and out of the archive room. “Capture him alive if you can, since he could know some useful information about the reawakened ghoul restaurant.”

“Can do.” Haise promises, and Akira stops and nearly pushes him into an open elevator.

“See you in four days, then.” she says as Haise backs up inside.

“Maybe less!” he quips as the steel doors close.

 _Wait a minute…_ he realizes as Akira’s waving form disappears from his view,  _Was I just blatantly herded out?_

 

* * *

As soon as the elevator doors close, Akira rips out her cell phone, then dials Kishou Arima’s number in a slightly violent manner.

She taps her foot impatiently as the line rings, until finally her superior picks up the other end.

“Yes?” the white haired man’s drawling voice answers.

“He just asked me about Eyepatch.” Akira says brusquely, skipping the pleasantries “I didn’t tell him anything though.”

“Good, even the slightest implication could trigger a memory.”

“What do we do if he does remember?”

“If he loses control, I will not hesitate to exterminate him.”

The lack of sympathy in Arima’s tone is unnerving, and Akira hopes that such drastic measures will not be necessary.

“Until then,” he adds, “We can only remain cautious and hope for the best.”

“Understood,” she says compliantly “I'll let you know if anything else happens.”

“Keep an eye on him,” Arima warns her, then briskly hangs up.

Akira sighs, and slips her cell back into her purse.

 _Please, Haise,_ she begs no one in particular, _Suppress your curiosity for your own good._

_I can’t bear to see another person I care for die young..._

 


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last bit of this chap is sort of canon compliant, but i took creative liberties with it. Please enjoy !

Haise spends the next day investigating near a local hospital in the 9th ward. He leans against a wall in the hospital’s drop-off zone where he can listen in and get a clear view and smell of every taxi driver that stops by.

He can’t seem to get his heart really into it- he can’t focus properly. It’s too early for him to go to back to the park but there are so many unanswered questions swirling around inside his head, like jumbled debris in the heart of a storm.

 _Could I really be Hide’s lost friend?_ he ponders, _Am I Eyepatch?_

Anxious, he lifts his hand to touch his face, near the eye where his kakugan appears.

_Not only am I half ghoul as well, but my memories also stop around the same time that Hide died._

Haise brings his hand down, and shivers at the notion.

_There are so many coincidences- so many pieces that fit together a little too perfectly._

_If only I knew my name… that would definitely confirm it._

Another taxi stops right in front of Haise, but he can’t bring himself to care about the stupid challenge in the slightest any more.

 _I don’t want it to be true,_ he thinks despairingly.

_What will I do with myself if I’m the one who killed him? The one who unknowingly broke his heart…? Who caused him to suffer so much?_

_If I tell him about me, and my suspicions are true, does that mean Hide will finally move on into the afterlife? Will he finally be liberated?_

_Don’t I owe him that much at least, if all this really is true?_

“Argghhh!” Haise growls in frustration, tugging at his hair roughly.

“If you want to go bald I can suggest to you less painful ways” a voice says, and Haise looks up in surprise to see the amused face of one Kirishima Touka.

“Oh, h-hello!” the ghoul investigator chokes, shocked at seeing her in civilian clothing rather than her usual black apron.

“I’m not trying to go bald.” he adds sheepishly, “I’m just a little stressed out.”

“I see…” Kirishima hums sympathetically “I can imagine that working for the CCG must be very taxing. Are you here investigating?”

“Yes, but I’m not allowed to give you any details. Sorry about that.” he notices that she is carrying a small bouquet of flowers, and asks, “Are you here visiting someone?”

“A friend.” she answers vaguely, "Oh, by the way, feel free to keep that book I lent you. Nobody reads it anyways."

"Really?" Haise asks, his eyes growing wide, "But wasn't it a gift? There are someones initials written inside it. K.K, it said." 

"I got that book from a thrift shop. Who knows who K.K is?" she says in a smooth voice, then politely nods her head “Now if you’ll excuse me- it was nice seeing you.”

“You too! Thanks again!” Haise waves her off as she walks through the large glass doors.

Left once again to his own conflicting thoughts, Haise literally forces himself to focus on his task.

 _Hide and I will figure this out together later,_ he thinks, _I need to look for Torso right now._

The ghoul investigator settles himself against the brick wall for a second time, and studies each taxi driver that comes his way with newfound scrutiny.

* * *

 

When later finally arrives, Haise is pleased to see that the tired look is no longer as prominent in Hide’s demeanour. It makes him a little less anxious.

 _Tonight I'll tell him everything,_ he decides.  _About my memories, about the fact that I’m a ghoul…_

_absolutely everything._

“So.” he says, unsure of where to begin.

“So.” Hide echoes lightly.

Haise steels himself, and looks into the blonde's chestnut eyes with determination.

“The things that I want to tell you…” he begins cautiously, “They may change everything. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course, I trust you.” Hide replies with ease.

The declaration thrills Haise, sending his insides alight for reasons unknown to him, however a voice begins nagging at him from the back of his mind.

 _You don't deserve his trust,_  it jeers,

_because you know deep down inside,_

_that all of this_

_is your fault._

Haise breathes in, not letting it sway his resolve, then exhales conscientiously.

“I should have told you right away,” he announces, and Hide raises his eyebrows questioningly.

 _Out with it,_  he grimaces.

“I’m not human." he nearly blurts. "I’m part ghoul.”

He studies Hide's youthful face for any changes in expression, however, no immediate fear or resentment is obvious.

“Oh.” Hide replies simply. He rakes his eyes over Haise’s body and says, “I never woulda’ guessed.”

 _He doesn’t see the connection,_ Haise realizes woefully.

He takes another long breath, and the rest nearly tumbles out of his mouth.

“I’m also sort of missing memories from the first 20 years of my life.” he says breathlessly “I did something that was so terrible that the CCG had to erase them. I don't remember anything, not even my name.”

Hide is silent as the new knowledge is absorbed. Haise can pinpoint the exact moment where the other starts to make the connection, because his eyes grow as wide as saucers.

“You… y-you..” Hide mumbles disbelievingly, “You're just like…”

Haise nods solemnly, knowing that Hide is beginning to suspect the same thing that he is.

“There’s a possibility, and I’m sure that you're considering it too...”

Suddenly, they are interrupted when a loud ringing noise erupts from Haise's pocket. Cursing, he scrambles to grab his cell phone and decline the call. Whoever it is can wait, this conversation is much more important.

“Sorry.” He says, and Hide just stares at him, completely flabbergasted.

“Haven’t you wondered why I am the only one who can see you?” he asks his friend desperately “As horrible as it is, if we consider the facts, it just makes so much sense.”

_Please, please tell me I'm wrong..._

“H-Haise, I-”

Again, Haise’s cell phone blares disruptively.

 _Now is literally the worst possible time for this.._ he sighs impatiently, ripping the thing out again.

He checks the caller: Shirazu.

He’s also left like 20 frantic messages, all reading something similar to; **[SASSAN THERES AN EMERGENCY PICK UP YOUR PHONE ASAP]**

“Hide, I’m so sorry but, could you excuse me for a sec?” Haise asks apologetically.

The ghost just nods his head absently, still clearly contemplating the information that had been thrown at him.

Haise crunches in Shirazu’s number then smushes his cell phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"SASSAN! GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" Shirazu’s frantic voice rips through the speakers.

"I’m kind of in the middle of something,” he tells his comrade “Why? What happened?"

Haise can hear hectic screams mixed with the shrieking of police sirens in the background, which is never a good sign, of course.

"IT’S MUTSUKI, THAT IDIOT,” Shirazu yelps, “HE GOT HIMSELF CAPTURED BY TORSO-"

"WHAT?" Haise barks, a jolt of panic coursing through his body.

“ME AND URIE SPOTTED HIM GET INTO HIS TAXI, THEN THEY STARTED FIGHTING, AND SOMETIME IN BETWEEN GODDAMN _SERPENT_ SHOWED UP-”

"Where are you?" Haise immediately scrambles to his feet.

"IN A TUNNEL NEAR THE PLASTIC SURGERY HOSPITAL!"

“I’ll be there in ten, don’t do anything reckless!”

Haise mashes the ‘end call’ button, then turns to his companion with a desperate look in his eyes.

“Hide, god, I’m so sorry for this.” he blurts, “My friend is in danger, I have to go!”

Haise gracelessly throws himself off of the structure, nearly wiping out in his haste to get on the ground.

“We’re not done this conversation! I’ll be back as soon as possible!” he calls out as he runs off, leaving a very confused and dumbfounded ghost behind him. “Sorry again!”

* * *

 

When Haise arrives at the scene, he is relieved to see Mutsuki with Shirazu, however the moment he lays eyes on them, he spots a tentacle-like kagune lash out towards them both.

Ghoul reflexes kicking in, Haise reaches for his quinque, the Koukaku Yukimura ⅓ which was used by none other than Kishou Arima in his earlier days, and slices the threatening ligament in half.

“Sassan!”

“Sasaki!”

Mutsuki and Shirazu exclaim in unison.

Urie is also there, and a little bloodied up, but Haise keeps his eyes on the assailant, who stands before him as a hooded figure clad in a snake-like mask. 

 _This is Serpent,_ he realizes, _not Torso._  

_Torso must have escaped, or they took him away already._

Haise sees Serpent glance smugly at Mutsuki, and immediately his protectiveness flares up.

“DON’T TOUCH MY SQUAD!” He screams furiously, proceeding to slash at the ghoul with his quinque.

Serpent dodges every strike with ease, clearly much stronger than Haise had anticipated. Needing the boost, Haise wills his kagune to come out, however all he can feel is a teasing prickle near his tailbone.

Serpent barks something like “Shut up, will you?” and plunges the sharp points of his own kagune forward toward Haise.

Panicked, Haise ducks to avoid a blow from the front, however he is taken completely off guard when Serpent’s kagune slips around him instead, and pierces him deeply in the back.

 _He’s strong…_ Haise doubles over, coughing up a stream of blood, _it’s been awhile since I’ve fought a ghoul like this._

_What should I do?_

He raises his sleeve to wipe off his chin, the snowy fabric darkening to crimson.

_My kagune isn’t even coming out..._

_**You’re weak, Haise.**_  

A sinister voice says, and the ghoul investigator freezes in shock.

_This voice…_

**_At this rate, he will kill your squad._**

**_You're useless._ **

**_Incapable of protecting anything._ **

Haise can’t move, can’t even think properly.

The voice. He knows this voice.

It is the voice of a monster, 

but it is also his own.

 _ **Come a little closer, it’s cold,**  _it taunts, and Haise hears the ominous clicking of it's footsteps as it approaches.

_**Let me in.**_

_**I**  _ _**can help you defeat him.** _

There is a light tap on his shoulder, and hot breath tickles his ear.

 _ **Hey~**  _it coos, and Haise feels his hands trembling with pure rage.

 _You're the one who killed Hide, aren't you?_ He asks, but he does not receive an answer.

 _ **Accept me, and maybe you'll find out,**  _the voice implores.

A strange but familiar force tugs at Haise's consciousness. It is menacing, yet powerful.

And so very tempting.

 **_You want my power to protect everyone, right?_ ** _**Hey~?** _

_I don't need it!_ Haise hisses defiantly. 

Serpent makes another swipe at him, and he dodges it by mere milimeters. Panting, he avoids another, and in his head is a chorus of

_**Hey hey hey hey hey hey~** _

_Get out of my head!_ Haise demands.

He glances at Mutsuki and the rest watching who are watching him with concern, and Serpent uses the distraction to deliver a merciless blow to his back, which in turn knocks Haise into a brick wall hard enough to shatter it.

All he sees is blackness, the rubble obstructing his view, but in his mind he still hears him.

**Heeeeeeeeeeey~**

_I won't be brought down by something like this,_ he declares, bursting out of the debris before Serpent can touch his comrades. 

"Sasaki!"

"Sassan!"

Haise spits a mouthful of blood out on the pavement.

_I'll show them all that I'm worthy of being their leader._

“Mutsuki, contact Akira.” he orders his underling, and begins to focus his energy on controlling the prickling in his back. He _will_ get his kagune to cooperate with his own strength.

_Hide..._

He thinks as the sensation becomes stronger.

_give me_

He can feel the heat rushing to that one spot, until it is full, and then it is overflowing.

_COURAGE_

The organ bursts out of his body like a tiger lily in bloom, and with it, Haise feels infinitely more powerful- as if he has been awakened to his truest form.

“His kagune…” Shirazu mutters from the sidelines, and an astounding tension fills the crisp air as the quinque squad observe their friend's transformation.

Serpent is standing before Haise, and beckoning him forward.

"Nice to see you're serious now." he sneers.

Haise plunges, and the battle continues, both parties now equally adept. When Haise easily lands the first hit, the thrill of it fuels his newfound conviction.

He hears Shirazu and Mutsuki gasp in amazement at his sudden strength. His confidence surges, and he purposely dodges each impending assault by a hair’s breadth, and picks up his quinque for added offence.

He is getting too ahead of himself, too overconfident, and when he looks back at his friends with pride, Serpent seizes the opportunity to send a particularly nasty stab right through his abdomen.

He flings Haise across the road, and he lands headfirst onto the pavement, agony filling every fibre of his being-

 _Shit, my regeneration isn’t working.._ he notices desolately as the blood pours out of the gaping hole in his stomach and onto the cement.

He can hear his comrades calling his name.

_I've disappointed them._

_I'm not worthy._

He tries to stand up, but his legs fail him. His strength has exhausted as quickly as it came. He doesn't even want to fight.

 _What do I do?_ he panics, _I can’t just die here._

_I can’t leave Hide alone..._

Then, as if it has been summoned, the voice returns.

 _ **Hey,**  _it whispers.

And maybe it has been.

* * *

 

Tooru is more than stunned when his mentor springs to his feet, a pool of blood surrounding him, and a cheshire-cat-like grin spreading across his face.

“Sir! Please stop!” he begins to protest, horrified by the blatant hole torn through Sasaki's chest, “Let us help you! You’re in no condition-”

“Rank 3 Mutsuki,” Sasaki responds icily, and the distant sound of his voice sends an electric chill through Tooru’s system. “This is an order from your superior.”

Something has changed, that much is obvious. Tooru can only gape as his mentor cracks his knuckles with newfangled power.

“Stand back.”

Shirazu grabs his arm insistently “Mutsuki, don’t get in the way,” he warns him.

Aghast, Tooru watches as his mentor and the ghoul known as Serpent exchange some more heated taunts, and Tooru, Shirazu and even Urie are all floored by how alien... no, how _sinister_ their mentor looks and sounds.

_He's like a completely different person._

They watch dumbfounded as their once gentle, witty friend attacks without restraint, ripping the unexpecting ghoul apart without a shred of mercy. His aim is not to capture or to knock him unconscious as it is supposed to be. It is not even to kill.

His goal is _payback times a thousand_ , and to Tooru, it is absolutely terrifying.

Moments later, Serpent is nothing short of maimed, and finally thrown down onto the ground. His mask shatters, and the face beneath appears to be that of a young man.

“You…” Haise murmurs, eyes going from manic to bewildered as he gets a close look at Serpent’s identity. Recognition becomes visible on his face, and Tooru cannot help but wonder, _Does Sasaki know this man?_

“For real,” the fallen ghoul laughs weakly, “No matter where you go,"

Sasaki simply stares at him speechless.

"you’re helpless...  _Kaneki_.”

 


	7. 7

It all happened in a hazy blur.

Haise got some sort of phone call, started freaking about a friend of his, and then very abruptly took off, spewing out promises and apologies to Hide, who was left alone in the park with a dumbstruck expression across his face.

It was just too much information to take in, and all of it way too sudden.

Now, Hide finds himself still sitting atop the whale structure, the gears in his mind turning as realization dawns on him.

 _“There’s a possibility, and I’m sure you’re considering it too.”_ Haise had said.

 _It’s more than just possible,_ Hide thinks, _from what you’ve told me… I’m now certain that it’s true._

Hide has long since accepted that Kaneki is dead. He had spent months searching desperately for him, only to find nothing, so he eventually gave up completely.

Hide had finally begun learning to exist with his new body, along with the arduous void that Kaneki’s death had left in his heart when he had met Sasaki Haise on that fateful summer night.

And he was immediately struck by how impossibly _similar_ the ghoul investigator was to his 'deceased' best friend. They shared the same mannerisms and habits, interests and morals… and most importantly to Hide, they had the exact same eyes. The last time Hide had looked into those eyes... they had been a mix of black and crimson- and also clouded with malice.

Before then, however, his best friend’s eyes had been the most interesting shade. They changed from stormy gray to brilliant silver, depending on the emotions brewing behind them. Kaneki’s eyes were expressive, intelligent, and mesmerizing. Hide was certain that he knew those eyes better than anyone, and upon meeting Haise, he could not deny that the stranger’s eyes were _exactly_ the same. This was a troubling fact.

At first, Hide didn’t allow himself to suspect that the ghoul investigator was the same person as his lost friend. He convinced himself that it was all coincidence- coincidence that Haise could see him, coincidence that the two of them were so very alike.

Because after all, if Haise was in fact Kaneki Ken, wouldn’t that mean that Hide had (quite ironically) found him at last? That he had actually succeeded in saving his friend’s life two years ago?

"There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact." Hide says, quoting one of his favourite detective novels “I can't deny it any more, all of these facts aren't just coincidences. They're the truth."

Sasaki Haise missing 20 years worth of memories, Sasaki Haise joining the CCG around the same time that Kaneki had ‘died’, Sasaki Haise who is half-ghoul, who loves Kafka and now Takatsuki too...

But the most decisive, crucial fact is that the moment Nagachika Hideyoshi had met Sasaki Haise…

he had fallen in love all over again.

“This changes everything,” Hide realizes, hopping to his feet as if he has reached some sort of epiphany “Kaneki is alive! Not only that, but he seems happier than ever!”

He is so incredibly relieved, that he is sure under other physical circumstances he would be shedding tears of happiness.

This is all Hide had really ever wanted for him.

Kaneki, though his memories are missing and his name has changed, now has a family that loves him, a job that he is passionate about, and most importantly, the monster consuming him has been suppressed. He no longer needs to hide things or kill innocent people. He is finally living the life Hide had always dreamed of for him…. one where he can be normal, and thus, happy.

“I really did it.” A gleaming smile creeps it's way onto Hide's face.

_I saved him._

A massive weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and instead of feeling cold nothing, like he has for the past two years, Hide feels a ticklish, airy sensation spreading throughout his body, a feeling he can only describe as utter contentment.

“Is this it for me?” he ponders, “is the Big Guy in the sky finally gonna come get me?”

Unsure of what to do next, Hide just waits expectantly, twiddling his thumbs in the meantime.

His thoughts return to Kaneki… to Haise, and he feels a sharp pang of disappointment in his heart.

 _I wish I could have touched you one last time_ , he doesn’t say.

Hide hasn't full out told Haise about how truly important Kaneki was to him. They were just silly unreciprocated feelings... selfish little desires that Haise was better off not knowing about. They would probably just make him feel awkward, or maybe a bit flattered, if he was lucky. And Hide wasn’t exactly prone to luck.

His feelings had been unrequited his entire life, after all. What would be the use in admitting them out loud now, under the current circumstances? Haise doesn’t remember him anyways, and knowing the depth of the reason behind Hide’s actions two years ago would only make Haise feel even more guilty about everything that has happened.

Even while they were growing up, Kaneki had only ever shown interest in a handful of girls... including Rize, of course. All of them were quiet, humble, and cute. Essentially, they were the complete opposite of Hide, who wore his heart on his sleeve and always had something frivolous to talk about. Hide was certainly no girl, either. Though he can admit that he was definitely pretty cute.

Regardless, Kaneki was the type of person who took something like love very seriously and for that reason Hide knew that complicating things with his own petty wishes would just strain their friendship, which he valued more than anything else. That’s why he encouraged Kaneki when he was interested in someone, because Hide cared first and foremost about his best friend’s well being.

“I was a pretty decent guy,” Hide concedes smugly to himself. “I mean, I did take more than my fair share of free shampoo samples at the grocery store,” he mumbles offhandedly “And I looked at Kaneki’s answers during more tests than I can count…”

His cheeky grin disappears as memories flood his mind.

“Oh shit, there was also that horrible prank I pulled on Nishio-sempai first year that left his hair green for a week...”

Swallowing nervously, Hide pushes the doubts out of his head.

“I don’t think any of those things are bad enough to send me to hell for? I mean, I really hope not…”

He shrugs, and decides that there’s no use in regretting anything at this point.

“What’s done is done,” he declares, “Would have been nice if I had a gravestone or something though. Kaneki must have long since digested my body.”

The blonde looks up at the sky, which is painted in vermillion and violet as the sun sets for the evening.

“Where is this guy anyways?” He huffs impatiently, “Shouldn’t he be here to liberate me from my sins or something?”

Hide doesn’t know what he is looking for, a bearded man dressed in a white robe perhaps? An angel?

“Wait a minute, I don’t even believe in god!” Hide realizes hysterically. “Am I gonna have to float all the way up there myself?”

Reluctant, the ghost decides that he will wait at the park for a while longer. Haise said he would be returning as soon as possible anyways, and the least he can do for himself after everything is bid the person he’s loved for so long a proper goodbye. He has the opportunity to this time around after all.

What he doesn't know, is that he'll be left waiting for days.

 

* * *

 

“Nishio… sempai?” Haise murmurs, staring down at the ghoul below him. He is more confused than he has ever been in his life.

_Huh?_ _Who?_

_How did I know that…?_

Serpent is a young man with curly auburn hair and a permanently pompous expression. Haise has never seen him in his life.

_Wait…  didn’t he call me something? What was it….?_

The voice from before prods at his consciousness, then chuckles perversely.

 _ **He called you by name of course**_ , it says.

_What…?_

With his defenses already torn down once, Haise can feel _him_ getting in again, as easy as breathing.

_No… no!_

_GET OUT!_

“Kaneki… Kaneki listen….” Serpent says, but Haise is having trouble focusing on his words.

What began as a dull migraine exacerbates, and suddenly the pain in his head becomes so harrowing that Haise is certain it will split in half.

“Oi!” Serpent is persisting, but Haise is trying his hardest to resist the intruder that’s clawing it’s way into his mind.

“If you have any questions talk to Kirishima! Remember, Kirishima Touka!” he yells, but Haise’s sight has begun to turn fuzzy.

“THE BARISTA!” Serpent yells one last time, then seizes his chance to escape as Haise drops to his knees and begins to scream.

Excruciating agony is all that the half-ghoul can feel. The control of his body is slipping away, and he tries with all of his might to fight against it, but he is losing… he is losing once again to the voice..

He howls in anguish one last time before he blacks out, barely able to register that backup has arrived, and are commencing in shooting him down before he has the chance to hurt anyone.

* * *

 

Saiko is raiding the fridge for leftover pizza when Shirazu and Mutsuki return to the Chateau with a bloody, comatose Sasaki Haise in their arms.

“Maman!” she cries as she hurries over to to her housemates and mentor, who both look absolutely exhausted.

She knows what Sasaki is, and what he was in the past, and therefore when she sees the state he's in she can’t help but expect the worst.

“Is he…?” she begins, but Shirazu shakes his head as they gently carry Sasaki over to his bedroom.

“He should be fine after some rest.” Mutsuki says quietly, laying him down on the mattress “It was a very close call though.”

“What happened?” Saiko asks, unsure of if she even wants to know the details.

“Well…” Shirazu trails off as Mutsuki takes off Sasaki’s blood stained shirt to examine his wounds, “He pushed himself past his limits. You can guess what followed because of it.”

There is a menacing hole the size of a baseball in their mentor’s abdomen, but the Q-Squad all know that the best way to treat a ghoul’s injury is to just let it heal on it’s own.

“Ouch,” Saiko says, and the other two nod in agreement, “Who took him down? Arima?”

“Akira did.” Mutsuki tells her as he drapes the bedspread over their friend's body. “We’re lucky though, if Arima had been there... he probably would’ve been shot dead.”

“True,” Saiko murmurs, then reaches down to push some of her friend’s silvery hair out of his face.

“When do you think he’ll wake up?” She asks, and Shirazu and Mutsuki both shrug.

“Hopefully soon.” Shirazu sighs, “All we can really do is wait.”

The other two hum in agreement, and tense silence fills the air. They decide to bid each other goodnight, and the Q Squad retreats to their bedrooms for some well deserved rest of their own.

 

* * *

 

It takes several days for Haise to wake up, and when he does, his entire body aches, though his wounds have healed almost completely thanks to his ghoul abilities.

He takes in his surroundings and discovers that someone has brought him home to his room. He is laying on his bed, which is stiff against his back with misuse. He really should be sleeping more, but since his body doesn’t get exhausted as quickly as a human’s he finds himself abstaining from it as often as he can, giving himself more time to delve into his work.

He rubs the crust out of his eyes and tries to recall what exactly happened before he blacked out.

 _I was fighting Serpent_ , he remembers, _and it was going well at first, but then he was gaining on me, and soon after, I began losing momentum…_

 _Then the voice returned_ , he shudders as an ominous chill creeps up his spine, _I became stronger, but my control on that power was slipping away…_

_Serpent- I think he was trying to tell me something before I passed out… what was it…?_

The face of an acquaintance appears in his mind, her name materializing as his memories return.

_Kirishima Touka…_

_“If you have any questions talk to Kirishima!”_ Serpent had said _“Remember, Kirishima Touka! THE BARISTA!”_

_You bet I have questions… but do I want them answered?_

Haise makes to sit up, but the movement causes pain to shoot up his spine.

“Sir!” Mutsuki had apparently chosen that exact moment to check up on him, much to Haise’s dismay. “You’re awake!”

“Morning.” Haise croaks, rubbing at his neck.

“How are you feeling?” Mutsuki asks eagerly “Do you need anything? Water? Coffee? Anything?”

“I think I’m good for now… thank you.” he replies, taking the time to stretch out his limbs.

“We were really worried about you.” the smaller boy says slightly bashfully, “It was such a close call…”

“God, I’m so sorry about that.” Haise blurts, his comrade’s disheartening look triggering bouts of guilt, “I didn’t mean to take it so far. The last thing I wanted was to trouble you guys. We didn’t even capture Torso…” he sighs deeply, then adds with regret, “I’ve really screwed up as your mentor haven’t I?”

“That’s not true!” Mutsuki argues defensively, “You just wanted to protect us, we don’t blame you for it at all! Without you our squad would fall apart, surely… you’re the best mentor we could possibly ask for.”

“You’re all too good to me.” Haise says with a sad smile, and Mutsuki shoots him a reassuring look “Thank you for everything.”

“Don’t mention it, sir. You’d do the same for us.”

“That's very true.” he agrees lightly, “So… how long have I been out?”

“Almost a week.” the green haired boy replies with a frown.

“Ah, shit.” Haise curses, “Hide’s been waiting for me!”

“Who’s Hide?” Mutsuki asks innocently.

“Oh, uhh…” the half ghoul trails off, contemplating what he should tell his comrade. He scratches his chin with guilt.

“Hide is a new friend that I made recently.” he settles with. “I was hanging out with him when Shirazu called me about Torso. I promised to lend him some books…”

“Ah, I see! So that’s where you’ve been going!” Mutsuki exclaims “You should invite him over one day to meet all of us! Well, except for Urie maybe…”

“Sure thing.” Haise says, though in his head he’s thinking, _even if I did invite him, it’s not like you’d be able to see him._

“Well, sir, I’m gonna let the others know you’re awake. Should I call headquarters and let them know too?"

"Err... not yet maybe." Haise says, “I’m thinking I might go for a walk and get some air first.”

"No problem. Take it easy for a bit, alright?”

“Can do.” Haise agrees.

Mutsuki then bows politely before exiting his mentor’s room.

After his guest leaves, Haise takes a quick shower and pulls on some fresh clothes, opting for a pair of jeans and a dress shirt instead of his CCG uniform. After a huge bearhug from Saiko, a relieved pat on the back from Shirazu, and a small nod from Urie, Haise is finally able to leave the Chateau. This is when he finds himself having to make a most difficult decision.

 _Where should I go?_ he ponders, _to Hide, or to Kirishima?_

A part of him is yearning to see Hide… to see his bright smile and golden hair.

 _You didn’t leave him smiling though,_ he reminds himself, and a sinking feeling pools in his stomach.

Despite this, however, he has a gut feeling that he should go see Kirishima first. Sometimes, his intuition does him well, so he decides he can be selfish today, and leave Hide waiting for only a few hours longer.

He sets off in the direction of :re, both fearful and curious as to what Kirishima might help him find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone recognize that quote? :]


	8. 8

When Haise arrives at :re, Kirishima is behind the bar as she usually is. The bells tinkle softly as he enters the cozy cafe, and Kirishima greets him with a small smile. Thankfully the place doesn’t seem to be busy, with only an older man reading a newspaper at the bar and a young couple sharing a slice of cherry cheesecake at a table near the window.

Haise walks past his own usual table and seats himself at one of the stools at the espresso bar.

“Thanks again for the book” He says to Kirishima as she approaches him with her usual aloof expression.

"No problem," she replies "How was it?"

“Really great!” he tells her, “Takatsuki is definitely one of my favourite authors now!”

“I can’t believe you enjoy that dark stuff,” she replies with amusement, “Weirdo."

"Hey!" he pouts, but she just grins at him with a sparkle in her violet eyes.

The two slip into a pregnant silence, or perhaps it only seems that way to Haise.

“So, Kirishima, uhhh,” He begins, slightly apprehensive about bringing the controversial topic he came here to discuss up.

 _Out with it,_ he tells himself, _rip it off like a band-aid._

“I'm actually here today because I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I was waiting for this conversation.” She says unexpectedly, which dumbstrucks the ghoul investigator in his seat. She takes a glance around the store for her brother, the white haired man, and motions something to him before turning back to Haise.

“Follow me, we can talk privately in the back.” she orders, heading for the door without checking to see if Haise is in fact following. He does so obediently.

She leads him into a store room which is filled with shelves of coffee beans, tea boxes, and other cafe supplies. There’s a table with two chairs in the back corner, and she takes a seat in one of them.

“Oh, did you want a coffee?” she asks, but Haise shakes his head politely.

“Ah, thanks but no thanks,” he says, claiming the opposite chair.

“Suit yourself,” she shrugs, then stares at Haise expectantly. “So.”

Her gaze is unnerving, and Haise shifts in his seat restlessly.

“Well, errrrr..” he trails off, unsure of where to begin. “This is gonna sound weird, but-”

“I guarantee you I’ve heard weirder.” she interjects, “Sorry, please continue.”

“Right, so… I was told to come to you for help by someone. I normally wouldn’t think to impose on you like this but I’m kind of desperate..” Haise tells her honestly, “To be blunt, I’m missing a lot of my memories, and I was wondering if you could help me fill in some blanks. Particularly, about this one person-”

“Stop right there,” Kirishima interrupts, an apprehensive look on her face “Before you get your hopes up and ask me tonnes of questions, let me just say something.”

“Okay.” Haise says, a seed of worry growing in his gut.

“I knew you’d come to me about this one day,” Kirishima tells him, “I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’ve decided to just be honest with you.”

“Oh, thank you for that.” 

“Right, so I know what you are, and what you were before they did this to you.” she reveals to him “If I tell you everything you want to know about your past life, it’s going to ruin this nice new life that you’ve created for yourself now.”

 _Hows so?_ Haise thinks, but then shivers.

 _The voice_.

That guy would corrupt everything. He definitely doesn’t want to let him back in.

“I know you want to remember the good things,” Kirishima continues, and a strange sort of melancholy seems to overcome her features. “But the problem is that you can’t be selective with what you remember. It’s tempting, but it’s all or nothing- you’re gonna get the bad stuff along with the good. And the bad stuff? I’m sure you have more or less some sort of idea about how seriously bad it was.”

"I see...."

Haise quietly weighs his options. Perhaps what happened with Serpent was a warning- a taste of what would result if he were to seek memories from his past. As sure as he is that retrieving his memories could possibly liberate Hide, he’s just not sure if he could give up what he has now to help someone he’s just met, no matter how strongly he feels connected to him.

It’s still just a gamble if he choses Hide over his current CCG family, because there’s a (very likely) chance that he won’t be able to handle the truth, and an even more upsetting chance that even if he can it won’t help his friend’s predicament in the slightest.

“Sasaki, listen,” Kirishima gives him an apologetic smile “I cared about you before, and I still care about you now. Just so you know, I’ve never seen you as happy as you currently are with your new job and family. Don’t risk it. Don’t risk losing them.”

She’s right, as disappointing as it is, Haise has known it all along. It’s too dangerous for him to remember, and giving up his family- Saiko, Mutsuki, Shirazu, Akira, and even Urie-, it’s just not worth it.

_Remembering will just make things worse._

“Can I be honest with you too?” Haise asks, and Kirishima nods. “I don’t want my memories back. You’re right that they’re not worth risking my family for, but…” Haise trails off uncertainly “There’s something that’s been eating me alive. And I need to know just this one little thing, not for my own good, but for the good of someone else. It could potentially save his life.”

“… what is it?” she asks cautiously.

Haise swallows a nervous lump in his throat.

Saying it out loud is much harder than he had anticipated.

“Did I kill Nagachika Hideyoshi?”

“Hide…” Kirishima echoes in shock, but the use of his nickname instantly catches Haise’s attention.

“I just need to know, for reasons that I can’t quite explain-”

“I have to show you something.” she says suddenly, nearly leaping up off her chair. She runs to the door and calls out, “YOMO IM TAKING THE CAR!”

“Hey, wait-?” Haise protests as Kirishima grabs him by the wrist and drags him into a small Toyota outside in the back lot “Where are we going? What are you showing me?”

“Something that will answer your question, so don’t ask me anything else until we get there.” she tells him while shoving him into the passenger seat, then takes the wheel beside him herself.

“What??” Haise cries as the two take to the street, leaving nothing but dust in their wake.

 

* * *

 

“The hospital.” Haise realizes as Kirishima parks the car, “This is where I saw you that one time.”

“Yes,” she sighs “Now please shut up and follow me.”

She leads him through the automatic glass doors and into the imposing building. They head for the stairs and climb to the fifth floor, then make their way down a quiet but airy hallway. She stops in front of the very last room, #514, then shoots an unexpectedly wary look at Haise before she reaches out and opens the door.

“After you,” she says gingerly, ushering him into the room first.

It’s empty, save for the slightly wilted bouquet of yellow daisies that Kirishima had brought in the other day. The window has been left wide open, spilling sunlight into the small space, and letting in a slight breeze which flutters the edges of the white curtains and sheets. It is when Haise lays his eyes on the bed that he notices the golden hair of the room’s occupant.

“No way…” he chokes, struggling to walk forward with his shaky legs.

From the moment Kirishima brought him to this hospital, he hasn't dared to hope, to even consider that the reason she brought him here… that the person she had gone to see on that day….

“Hide,” the ghoul investigator gasps as he stares down at his friend in the flesh, and the tears instantly spill down his face in both relief and horror.

Relief, because here in front of him is the person he’s been searching for, the person he’s been pouring his heart out to, and he is in fact not dead at all. Hide instead appears to be in a deep sleep, peaceful almost, with a fancy heart monitor beside him displaying a steady rhythm.

What is horrifying, however, is that even though Hide is very much alive… and despite the fact that he is lying so beautifully on this thin mattress…

Where his right arm should be, there is instead an angry stump of flesh. The skin is cut off near the middle of his bicep, and though the wound is no longer bleeding, the flesh is gnarled and scarred. It is as if something had bitten the limb right off. Accompanying are also innumerable scars covering the expanse of Hide’s body, from his toes to his neck, all varying in depth and length.

“Oh, oh god…” Haise lets out a daunted sob, and Kirishima places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, shhhhh,” she coos, “It could have been so much worse. You’re very lucky.”

As he attempts to stop the tears that have started to escape, he realizes that his friend’s face is perfectly unharmed, as if the assailant responsible for damaging him had purposefully avoided it.

Haise is certain that it’s his own handiwork.

Tentatively, he brings his hand down to tangle his fingers into the sleeping boy’s hair, which has grown quite long in his time here. He can't help but cry, because despite everything, this is really Hide, and he can finally touch him.

 _His hair is just as soft as I imagined it would be._

Haise sniffles, then pulls his hand away from his unconscious friend. He allows himself a brief moment to think.

 _What does this mean?_ he ponders anticipatingly, _If Hide is not dead… and neither am I…._

 _Does this mean that his sacrifice worked?_

_Wait a minute,_  he gasps in realization, _Hide thinks that he’s dead! He thinks that he failed! That he died in vain-_

Scrambling away from the hospital bed, Haise looks at Kirishima with a sudden frantic expression.

“I have to tell him!” he hollers with urgency, and Kirishima merely motions to the door, not asking any questions.

“Go on, then.” she says, and Haise gives her an appreciative look before bounding down the halls like a catapult.

 

 

* * *

 

Hanging upside from the monkey bars in the midst of the small parkette, Nagachika Hideyoshi is growing impatient.

 _It’s been six days,_ Hide realizes as he swings his arms back and forth, _Where’s Haise?_

He is taking much longer than Hide had anticipated. After that eventful phone call which caused him to up and run, he had assumed Haise would at least return within the next few days like usual, especially after such an abrupt goodbye. But six? Hide has never been one to succumb to paranoia, but at the moment he can’t help but think of the worst.

He hangs there idly, debating on his next course of action.

_Should I wait? Or should I maybe go out and look for him?_

"Ah, but what would I even be able to do to help?" he says out loud.

Suddenly, Hide feels the strangest sensation… it’s faint, but he feels as if his hair is being softly brushed. It's quick and short, but it catches him completely off guard. The sensation is what he remembers physical contact to be like, on some level. 

_But thats impossible right?_

_I’m a ghost… I must have imagined it._

Dejected, Hide forces the thoughts out of his mind, he doesn't want to get his hopes up. He decides to count the number of cars that drive by, just to help kill time.

When he gets to car number 67, he registers the approaching noise of footsteps. They become louder and frantic in nature, and Hide looks up curiously at the owner of them. When he lays his eyes on Sasaki Haise, he literally falls down from the monkey bars out of shock.

 _Haise_

“Ah!” Hide let’s out a muffled sound as he falls to the floor, though instead of a painful impact his body just sinks into the sand with no resistance- like a stone dropped into a pool of water.

“Hide! Are you alright?” Haise is standing above him, and for a moment when their eyes meet, Hide is stuck in a trance, captured by the concern in their silver depths.

Six days without it makes Haise’s presence much more riveting.

“Hide?” Haise repeats, and Hide shakes himself out of his reverie.

“Ah, sorry you shocked me!” he exclaims as he easily pulls himself out of the ground “What took you so long? I was worried about you, you know!”

“I can fill you in later,” the ghoul investigator replies, and Hide notices that he appears worried over something “You need to come with me. I’ve gotta show you something.”

“What is it?” Hide asks suspiciously, but Haise doesn't tell him.

“It's better if you come and see for yourself."

“Haise….” Hide trails off, apprehensive about leaving his homey little park. “I don’t know-”

“Just come!” Haise insists, interrupting his protests “I promise it's really important."

“Well….”

“Please?”

“.... fine.” Hide gives in, knowing truthfully that he’s so far gone that he would do literally anything that Haise asked of him. It was the same with Kaneki after all. “Only ‘cause it’s you.”

“Great, let's go,” Haise says, and takes off at a run out of the park.

“Woah, hey, wait up!” Hide calls out as he runs right after him. “Haise!!”

 

* * *

 

Haise received some strange looks as he ran all the way to the hospital, and up the stairs to the fifth floor. Kirishima seemingly left earlier, so now Haise and Hide are alone as they enter the small hospital room.

“Holy shit.” Hide mutters when he lays his eyes on the figure wrapped in blankets on the bed for the first time. “That’s...’

“It’s you.” Haise confirms, and Hide stares disbelievingly at the sight of himself comatose as if he had just discovered Big Foot.

“You found me.” he says in awe, then turns to look at Haise with an elated expression. "I'm alive!!!"

"You’re alive.” Haise echoes, and Hide begins to do some sort of happy dance, squealing things like _this is so great,_ and  _I really didnt expect this_ , and _Haise you're the best-_

"..... Hide." Haise says quietly, and the ghost stops his dancing to give his friend his full attention.

"What's up?" he asks, and Haise just shakes his head, feeling guilty.

_because when Hide sees it….the state of his body,_

_his happy, beautiful smile will be gone..._

Haise painstakingly reaches down to slowly peel off the sheets covering him. He holds his breath as the stump of Hide’s arm is revealed, as well as the myriad of scars, and he prays to some superior force in his head that Hide won’t hate him after seeing what he’s done to his once porcelain, flawless skin.

“Oh.” Hide whispers, as he takes it in.

"I am so, so sorry." Haise murmurs, fighting desperately to suppress his tears, which are threatening to spill for the second time that day

"This was all my fault."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Haise..." Hide trails off, unsure of how to comfort his friend. "It's wasn't your fault."

"But it WAS," Haise gripes despairingly, and the rest comes rushing out of him at once, "What I was trying to tell you before… but then we were interrupted.. what I was going to say, it’s that who I used to be, was-"

"Kaneki." Hide finishes for him, and Haise's expression contorts with grief, and he buries his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry Hide- I'm sorry for everything," he laments with guilt, his voice raw and agonized "For abandoning you, for avoiding you, for doing _this_ to you, for almost killing you..."

“Hey…”

"And I'm so very sorry that I can't remember any of it.” Haise curls in on himself, like a wilted flower, and he looks utterly broken. “You deserve so much better than this."

It’s ironic, because it’s Hide who’s really broken, _just take a look at the body on that bed over there_ , but it’s Haise that this whole situation seems to have destroyed. He looks lost and hopeless, clearly so ridden with guilt it’s been consuming his life, clouding his every thought and action…

This broken person isn’t what Hide had wanted for his best friend.

_It never wanted to see him like this ever again._

"Haise!” Hide tries to pry Haise’s hands away from his face, so he can look him in the eye and tell him how absurd he’s being, but he frustratingly cannot, and he ends up cursing and just yelling in Haise’s ear, “Look at me will you?!”

Haise peeks at him through a space between his fingers, and Hide can see that his familiar eyes are liquid silver, waterlogged and tired.

“You seem to have forgotten something.” Hide tells him accusingly, because sometimes force is what’s needed to get a concept into someone you love's head “I _chose_ all of this. My own decisions lead me into these circumstances! Have you forgotten that?"

Haise finally drops his hands, revealing a rueful frown.

“But Hide …”

"And guess what the best part is?” Hide asks, trying to get his point through Haise's thick, self-sacrificing skull "It doesn’t even matter anymore! What’s done is done! Frankly, I think we both got out of this pretty lucky.”

Hide lets out a breath of relief when he sees Haise nodding softly, ultimately agreeing.

“You're not Kaneki Ken anymore.” he states, smiling encouragingly at the person before him. “You're Sasaki Haise, and what’s important is that you're still my best friend!

“I…” Haise trails off, a his frown transforming into a small grin “You’re my best friend too.”

"Good." Hide responds, feeling slightly nostalgic, _j_ _ust like we always were._

Hide glances at his damaged body on the bed, and honestly he's not upset by anything that has happened. He's both relieved and shocked that he's not actually dead, which he has believed to be the truth for over two years.

 _Maybe I can get one of those cool robo-arms like Edward Elric,_ he thinks.

Haise seems to have calmed down considerably as well, and the two remain silent, listening to the tell-tale beep of the heart monitor beside them.

"So." Hide says.

"So." Haise repeats.

"What now?"

"We wait... I guess. Until I wake up."

The question ' _how long until then?'_ is unspoken between them.

"Hey, I know what you can do to make up for ditching me!” Hide announces suddenly.

“Really? What is it?" Haise concedes."I’ll do anything!” 

“You can keep coming to the park to watch the stars with me, like we did before!” Hide tells him excitedly, then adds “Only as often as you can of course. I know you’ve got a job and a life and all that jazz."

“Yes! I’ll come every day.” Haise declares with a glint in his eyes, “As much time as we can get, I’ll take it!”

_Who needs old memories when we can just make new ones?_

“Can you pinky promise me?” He asks cheekily, and points to his body on the bed.

“Of course!” Haise chirps, and Hide watches as Haise wraps his pinky finger around his own and shakes it.

“Hey, I think I felt that!” he gasps, staring at his ghost hand in bewilderment.

“Really?”

“Yeah! It was like a little tickle.”

“Okay how about this…” Haise reaches down to pick up Hide’s hand and squeezes it gently.

Hide feels a feathery sensation in the same spot, as well as an undeniable warmth.

Haise's warmth.

 _That weird feeling I had earlier,_ Hide recalls the sensation in his hair that he felt back at the park, _It was probably the same thing!_

_Someone must have touched my hair._

He steals a glance at Haise, eyes drawn to his slim, familiar hands.

_And I think I know who it was._

“It’s faint but I definitely felt that!” Hide says, and Haise beams back at him with unadulterated glee.

The two smile at each other, both feeling lighter than they have felt in a terribly long time, though of course not in a physical sense. And for once, the echoes of the past have been completely forgotten, only to be replaced by the promise of a blessed future.


	9. 9

Time passes by rather quickly, after everything.

Haise, keeping true to his promise, stops by the park after work nearly every evening, and the two easily fall back into the routine that they had initially created for themselves.

They lie on their backs and gaze at the night sky, just like old times. They talk about everything; books, work, movies- but what they never bring up is the past, because none of it is important to either of them any more. What is most precious is their here and now, and every minute they spend laughing together after all this time.

Haise finds himself at the hospital quite a lot now too. Sometimes he just has to see Hide in the flesh, to check up on him and make sure he’s indeed still breathing. Each visit is a reminder to himself that one day his friend might wake up and rejoin the world of the living.

Despite this, there's a lingering doubt that he might _not_  lurking imperiously in the back of his mind.

The half-ghoul tries to ignore it, because even though Hide’s condition hasn't gotten any better, it also hasn't gotten any worse. He heard a saying somewhere that no bad news is good news, and he repeats it like a mantra every time he enters the airy little room.

Haise also can’t help but notice that there are always fresh flowers on display atop the table beside Hide's bed. There's no card attached, but he knows that Kirishima has been replacing them whenever they begin to wilt, never allowing them to wither and die. He’s grateful to her for it, and though he still sees her every time he goes to :re, they never talk about the conversation that they had in the back room, because there’s nothing to say, really.

Days turn into weeks, then to months, and Haise begins brandishing a sweater and then a coat whenever he visits the park.

Hide tells him _"_ You're being ridiculous, it's freezing outside!", but Haise stubbornly shows up as much as he can anyways, which is usually several times a week.

It's not just because of Haise's promise that he does it. It's moreso that being with Hide just feels so right, and Haise genuinely loves spending time with his new but not-new friend. Hide has so quickly become an important part of his life, and he wishes he could introduce the ghost to his family, his Quinx squad, and maybe even show him around the Chateau (and though it’s wishful thinking- the empty room down the hall from his).

For now, though, they have this. And at first, is was more than enough.

But seasons change; birds fly south and trees shed their leaves, and the heart too grows greedier, yearning for summer when around it is frost and snow clouds.

It is on a windy winter night, when the two are sheltered underneath the whale structure and Hide is telling Haise a story about a silly prank he played on one of his sempais in freshman year that Haise catches himself staring very candidly at Hide’s lips, mesmerized by their rosy colour, and the way they move when he speaks...

 _Oh my god, I want to kiss him,_ Haise realizes, genuinely surprised when the thought bubbles to the surface.

He’s never wanted to kiss anyone before; always too busy with work and his Q-squad that the idea of romance was just a distraction that he had no desire to pursue.

But Hide wasn't a distraction at all. He was a breath of fresh air after a long day, a lone ray of sunshine amidst a storm, and a treasured friend that Haise had easily grown to love. And it was that love that had transformed into something he hadn't expected in the slightest.

Or perhaps the feeling was love from the start, and Haise, in his inexperience, had only just realized the depth and implications of it now.

 _I can’t tell him,_ Haise decides firmly. _Theres no point- it wont change anything,_

_Besides.. I’m a different person now._

_I’m not Kaneki Ken._

He unintentionally shoots Hide a pining look, but the blonde doesn’t seem to notice, instead continuing on with his story, exclaiming how hilarious it was when his victim had bits of green in his hair for like five days.

 _Hide probably doesn't even feel that way for me anymore,_ Haise thinks as he laughs at the other’s story, his smile betraying his disheartened thoughts.

_Telling him will just make things awkward._

 

* * *

 

Despite his decision to keep quiet, Haise finds it increasingly difficult to keep his feelings so neatly bottled up when they just want to overflow and escape. Every time he’s in Hide’s company, his heart flutters in his chest, and he yearns, though he knows it’s useless, to just remove the lid and let it all pour out...

Even more time passes, and what was once just an insignificant little urge to touch him grows stronger and stronger.

Haise finds it difficult to pay attention to the ghost's jokes now, because he suddenly wants so badly to just reach out and tangle his fingers in his golden hair- to join their hands together and feel his pulse, steady and real-

But he knows that he can’t, and not just because his hands would disappear right through Hide’s.

Haise couldn’t kiss him even if he wanted to.

But, inevitably, he has a moment of weakness, and he allows himself to cheat just once.

He’s at the hospital, examining Hide’s peacefully sleeping body when it happens. He knows ghost Hide will be able to feel it, but he gives in to temptation nonetheless, and leans down to brush his lips very briefly against the smooth skin of the sleeping boy's cheek.

 _He wont know it was me,_ Haise tells himself, _there’s no way he could._

Hide never mentions it when they meet up later that day, but Haise still feels an awful lot like he’s lying to his friend. He doesn't say anything either, but he swears to never violate his friend’s trust and touch his real body without permission ever again.

 _That was a one time thing- no more sneaky kisses,_ Haise decides conclusively, _I won’t do anything else that will jeopardize what we have._

_Because it’s already so much more than I deserve._

* * *

 

Spring eventually blows in, and one day after work when Haise is visiting :re alone, Kirishima calls him into the back room like before, but this time claiming she has to tell him something in private.

With the unpleasant feeling of snakes coiling tightly in his gut, Haise follows her to the same squashy table and chairs from before. He can tell it’s going to be bad news just by the distraught look on her face.

“He’s almost at the three year mark.” she tells him, and though she doesn't say any names, Haise knows exactly who she's talking about.

“His father and step-mother have been paying to keep him on life support, but the nurse told me they’re getting tight on money, and have been losing hope as all this time goes by…”

“No,” Haise gasps, dread spreading through his system, "What about his real mother?" 

"Died years ago," Kirishima tells him sadly.

“Are they thinking of…?”

“Yes, and soon.” she confirms.

“I can't let that happen!” Haise blurts out desperately.

“Well, what can we do about it?” she asks him, shaking her head incredulously, “People are losing hope and moving on with their lives. Unless you can pay hundreds of dollars a week, I don’t really think-”

“I’ve got money!” Haise interrupts her, his desperation getting the best of him, “Thousands in savings- and I’ll use it all if I have to. Even get a second job if it’s not enough- are you hiring?”

“Sasaki,” Kirishima sighs, “I know you feel guilty, but they say that the longer someone’s comatose, the less likely it is that they’ll wake up.”

“I _know_ he will.” Haise tells her confidently, not letting his determination sway “Plus, I owe him this."

_I’ll never forgive myself if I don't do everything I can._

“You’ve always been a fool.” she says, but her tone is light and teasing, “I won’t try and stop you though. Good luck.”

“Thank you for everything.” he says, and she gives him her signature small grin before returning to her job.

“You’re welcome, idiot-Sasaki.”

He can't help but beam right back at her.

 

* * *

 

Despite the fact that he can't eat human food, Haise is a rather skilled cook, and he genuinely enjoys creating mouth-watering meals that his roommates can all enjoy.

One day he's in the kitchen rolling onigiri with the help of Mutsuki, when the truth to Haise's disappearances is finally adressed.

"Hey, Sasaki, where is it that you go in the evenings sometimes? Are you still going to visit that friend of yours?" his junior asks curiously.

"Yep, I've been visiting Hide in the hospital." he tells Mutsuki honestly, because he's tired of keeping things from people, especially his family.

And though he’s alright at avoiding questions, frankly, he’s a terrible liar.

"Is he alright? What happened?" Mutsuki asks, his verdant eyes filled with innocent concern.

"Truthfully...." Haise swallows, "Hide has been comatose for three years. Financially, I've been helping his family keep him on the machine, since it’s a bit expensive.”

“I.. Oh. I see…” Mutsuki trails off, “If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.” he adds.

“Of course.” Haise smiles, fondness for the other bubbling in his chest, “Thank you for your concern.”

“You’re welcome!” Mutsuki squeaks, and Haise places the last of the onigiri into a large plate “Should I call everyone down for lunch?”

“That would be great, thanks.”

Haise watches as his housemates come pouring in, first Shirazu, then Saiko, and eventually Urie too. As they sit around the table and dig appreciatively into Haise’s home cooking, they tease each other and chat about various nothings, as families often do.

Haise eyes the empty seat across from him at the other end of the table, and wistfully hopes that maybe one day it will be filled by a boy with blonde hair and gleaming smile.

* * *

 

"Haise," Hide says to him on a humid evening in April, “We need to talk.”

 _Those words never lead to anything good,_ Haise thinks worriedly.

“About what?” he asks.

Hide visibly swallows in hesitation, and this concerns Haise even more.

"I think…. I think it's time that we stopped kidding ourselves." he says in a weak voice, and Haise’s heart sinks in his chest.

"Hide, what are you talking about?"

"I’ve been thinking about it, and I realized.. we can't keep doing this forever,” Hide’s amber eyes downcast to the floor, though there is nothing particularly interesting there, “You have a life and you’re wasting so much of it just coming here day after day... “

“I only come a few times a week. It’s not a waste of time.” Haise insists, shocked by Hide’s sudden self-doubt, “Also, in case you didn’t realize, I like it here. Our friendship means a lot to me.”

“It does to me too, but that’s exactly why…” Hide trails off, then looks up at Haise with a hard but pained expression, “It’s why I can't let you do this any more."

“Yes you can! Where is this coming from?” Haise asks desperately, feeling like he’s going to throw up his lunch (which would not be pretty considering what he eats),

“I know you've been paying for my medical bills.” Hide admits, and Haise stares at him disbelievingly.

_How could he think, even for a second, that money is the issue?_

“Hide, your life is priceless to me!” Haise exclaims, “Besides, it's only temporary!”

“How do you _know?”_ Hide asks, and he lets out a long, frustrated sigh, “It’s been years! Let’s face it- I’m not going to wake up!”

“But you might.. there’s always a chance-” Haise insists, panicking, _please tell me he isn't suggesting-!_

“I've been selfish to let this go on for so long.” the ghost says, his voice now more sure and decided. "I want you to pull the plug on me."

“A-Are you crazy?” Haise blurts, his blood pumping so fast, his heart so quickly that he thinks he might pass out, “I could never!”

“Haise.” Hide says more calmly, as if with an air of acceptance, “All I wanted was to find you, to see you safe and happy, and I did. Here you are.”

Haise shakes his head unbelievingly, _there’s no way, just no way that we are having this conversation…._

“Spending time with you like this for the past year has been a dream come true to me,” Hide continues, and Haise feels like his heart has been ripped out and torn in two, “But now… I’m just getting so tired of everything.”

“Hide… please…” he whispers weakly, feeling nothing short of desolate hopelessness.

Hide now also appears to be fighting tears, and in a small voice, he says.

“I don’t want to exist like this any more.”

Everything is unfair- Hide didn’t deserve any of this suffering and loneliness. He wishes he could trade their positions, sacrifice himself so Hide could live, much like the ghost had done for him so long ago.

“I know it’s alot to ask of you,” Hide adds remorsefully, “But please.... just let me go.”

 _You promised you’d do anything for him_ , Haise reminds himself as he struggles to breathe normally, _Don’t fall back on your word at the most crucial time.._

“Is this really what you want?” Haise asks feebly, and Hide nods.

“Yes it is.”

“Fine, I.. I’ll do it. For you.” Haise hates himself when the words come out, “But.. can you just give me some time to prepare?”

“How’s a week?” Hide asks with a gentle voice.

_It’s a lifetime too soon._

”That should be fine.” Haise forces his voice to say, “So, Sunday?”

“Yeah.” Hide confirms, and Haise chews nervously on his lip, “Sunday it is.”

 

* * *

 

Six days pass in a blur, far quicker than Haise hoped they would.

On Monday he stops by the hospital and deposits just enough money to keep life support going until Sunday. He had told the nurses there that he was a close friend of Hideyoshi’s when he had initially taken over his expenses, and they express their utmost condolences when he finally informs them it’s time to let his friend go.

They ask if he wants to be there when they do it, and Haise says he’ll think about it, so they tell him if he changes his mind to be there for 3:00pm on Sunday.

He discusses it with Hide later that evening, and Hide decides that he’d like to watch them pull the plug with Haise there beside him, so Haise promises to pick him up at 2:30 that day so they can head there together.

On Tuesday Haise stops by :re to tell Kirishima what he’s done. She nods and listens, remaining straight faced even when Haise begins to tear up a little bit. He doesn’t invite her to be there on Sunday for Hide’s last moments, but he does encourage her to visit him one last time, to which she humbly agrees.

He also visits Hide's father and step-mother, feeling obliged to let them know about his decision. They thank him for everything he's done.

"I never knew Hideyoshi had such a good friend", his father says, and Haise also learns from him that Hide's step-mother is pregnant. Hide would have been a big brother. 

On Wednesday Haise returns to the hospital to fill in some final paperwork. They ask him if he will hold a funeral ceremony, but he knows that Hide is the kind of guy who hates funerals and sad things in general, so he tells them he’ll pass on the idea.

He stops by Hide’s hospital room that day, and sees that Kirishima has left the most beautiful bouquet of sunflowers, this one nearly twice the size of what she usually brings in.

 _Sunflowers really suit him,_ Haise thinks. _They’re summery and bright, just like him._

On Thursday Haise explains to Mutsuki about what will happen on Sunday. Mutsuki, the wonderful caring friend that he is, offers to accompany Haise if he needs some emotional support, but Haise politely refuses, saying he appreciates the sentiment but would rather be alone.

On Friday Haise works at the CCG all day, ploughing through the next few day’s worth of work so he’ll be free to spend Hide’s last hours with him, no distractions or worries.

He comes up with the idea of purchasing a cheap tent from the Superstore, as well as a sleeping bag and a lantern, so that he can spend all of Saturday night at the park with Hide.

He tells his housemates that he’ll be gone until Monday, to which they respectfully refrain from asking any questions.

So on Saturday, Haise walks into the park with his new camping gear in tow, forcing himself to smile, because he’s sure Hide doesn’t want to spend their last night together in tears.

“You’re crazy for doing this.” Hide chuckles when he sees his friend, and Haise just shrugs as he sets down all of his stuff in a nice, flat spot.

“I want to spend every minute I can with you.” Haise says, and the ghost laughs amicably at him when he struggles fruitlessly to pitch a tent, something he has never done in his life.

The tent that Haise had bought has a clear mesh roof, so when the boys are finally laying down together inside, they can still look up at their beloved night sky.

“What are we gonna do all night?" Hide asks him, and Haise just shrugs.

"Whatever you like." 

"Let's just do what we normally do." the ghost suggests. "I don't wanna talk about tomorrow."

"Great idea." Haise agrees, trying to ignore the ever-present uneasy feeling churning in his gut.  

He settles himself down comfortably on the sleeping bag, and Hide follows suit.

Instead of on his back, Haise lays on his side so that he can gaze at the already-memorized planes and angles of his friend's face one last time.

_There's one thing in the world more beautiful than the night sky._

They don't say anything for a while, instead just listening quietly to the familiar sounds of the night. The chirping of the crickets, the rustling of the leaves, even the occasional hoot from an owl. 

“Hey, are you falling asleep?” Hide whispers a while later.

"No way,” Haise replies, “Even if I could I woudn’t.”

Contradicting himself, the half-ghoul is so exhausted from everything that he falls asleep anyways.   **  
**  
Hide’s content face is the last thing he sees before he he drifts off into dreamland. **  
**

 

* * *

 

On Sunday morning Haise opens his crusty eyes expecting to see his beloved friend grinning back at him, ready to hear Hide tease him about falling asleep anyways, but what he instead wakes up to is an empty spot on the sleeping bag beside him.

“He- He must be outside,” Haise tells himself, bounding out of the tent to see.

The ghost is nowhere in sight, and Haise panics immediately, scrambling to check the time on his phone. 8:30am.

_It’s still early…. where did he go?_

“Hide?” Haise calls out, but there’s no answer amidst the quiet still of the morning. “HIDE?!”

_Oh, oh god no._

Haise’s knees nearly buckle beneath him with the thought.

_Did they do it early? Did I remember the time wrong? Is my phone broken?_

Leaving all of his gear at the park, Haise knows nothing else to do but sprint to the hospital as fast as his legs will carry him.

* * *

 

The half-ghoul bounds through the hospital doors, earning some strange looks which frankly by now he's used to, and clambers up all five flights of stairs. He darts down the hallway and bursts into room #514, the doors of which are already open, much to his surprise.

What he sees when he enters are several nurses standing beside the bed, blocking his view. His violent panting must catch their attention, because they turn to look at him when he enters, and he registers vaguely that some of them are crying.

He makes a loud choking noise when they unexpectedly smile and step aside, shuffling out of the room to leave him alone with the figure sitting up on bed.

Their eyes meet, and this time Haise’s legs really do buckle beneath him.

_Am I still dreaming?_

“What a turn of events, eh?” Hideyoshi Nagachika says, and the waterworks have started before Haise has even registered what’s happened.

_No way._

He’s crying so hard, because he just can’t believe it. No, they didn’t unplug him early like Haise had thought...

Hide has woken up, he has actually woken up- just in the nick of time, like some sort of sheer miracle.

“H-Hide?” Haise chokes out between sobs, completely overwhelmed with amazement and relief. “Y-You’re- you’re-”

“Alive.” Hide says, and god, that smile is so much more radiant in the flesh, Haise thinks he might get burned. “I'm really alive.”

“I can’t believe it,” Haise croaks, staring at the other as if he was an outright impossibility "I thought for sure-"

“So did I.” Hide agrees softly, then says, “Come here.”

He extends his only hand out to Haise from where he sits, and the half-ghoul carefully accepts it, settling himself down on the edge of Hide’s bed.

He can feel the raised edges of the scars on Hide’s palm, and it triggers the latent guilt within him that he suspects may never truly go away.

"I like them." Hide says, as if he knows exactly what the other is thinking. He then firmly squeezes Haise's hand, "They remind me that you're alive too."

Haise tries to stifle his tears, but it's so hard, because this beautiful, wonderful person is really here, and he can finally touch him, and it's just so miraculous and incredible.

"I don't deserve this." Haise sniffles, and Hide lets go of his hand, instead opting to gently wipe away the remains of Haise's tears from his flushed cheeks.

"Stop saying that." he murmurs, locking eyes with Haise and staring at him intently.

Haise nods, meeting his gaze. Silver mixes with amber, and Hide frowns and then blurts.

"Ah, fuck it."

Haise is roughly yanked downwards, and he lets out a 'mmmpph!!' sound in shock when Hide smushes their lips together in a sudden, spontaneous kiss.

Hide's mouth burns like fire against his, _oh my god Hide is kissing me WHAT_ , and Haise's heart is beating so fast he thinks it might burst out of his chest. He's so overwhelmed by everything that he has to break free, just to breathe and make sure it's all really happening.

"H-Hide!" he exclaims in awe, but Hide takes the outburst as rejection and panics.

“Shit, I'm so sorry!” he gasps, letting go of Haise's collar as if it were poisonous and beginning to ramble off frantic apologies, “Haise, I’m _so_ sorry that was really inappropriate and I told myself I wouldn't do it but you were so close and real and I’ve dreamed about it for so long and with you right there I just couldn't resist and it-"

"Hide!" Haise interrupts, dumstruck, "Are you saying that you don't care that I'm not.. you know...?"

Hide shoots him a quizzical look.

"A girl?"

"No, that I'm not…” Haise trails off, always finding it difficult to say this one name, “Kaneki.”

Hide looks at him like he's stupid.

"Obviously! Didn't we establish that a long time ago?"

Haise is confounded because after all this he still can't help but second guess himself. He didn't think that in his lifetime he'd ever get to have this.

"W-Wait, so then you... feel... for me....?"

The other grins fondly at him.

"From the start."

"God, I'm so in love with you." Haise finally confesses to him, and when he hears it Hide looks like he is about to both laugh and cry.

"Man, I waited so long to hear you say that.”

“Hideyoshi,” Haise voices his name, surprising himself in his boldness when he leans in close and asks quietly, "Can I kiss you again?"

Hide shoots him a teasing look. "I don’t know, can you?"

Confidence surging by the indirect permission, Haise hums softly and draws Hide forward by his hospital gown.

“Yes,” he breathes, and pulls the other into a clumsy but feverish kiss, which is returned with matching ardor.

They separate when a nurse accidentally walks in on them, and she squeaks in shock that she’s sorry for intruding and will return in a few minutes.

They both laugh like idiots, blithe with electricity running in their veins, when Haise says, "By the way your roots are terrible."

Hide smacks him in the shoulder affectionately.

"Love you too."


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please forgive me for medical inaccuracies! I am but a hopeless, too-lazy-to-research History student!

Hide spends the next four weeks in the hospital resting and participating in a substantial amount of muscle therapy. It’s exhausting, but as the days go by, he steadily rebuilds his strength, though it’s difficult to get used to the new handicap of having only one arm.

Haise visits every day to check up on him and see how he’s doing. He never comes empty handed, always bringing Hide some sort of healthy, home-cooked dish in which Hide is surprised to learn that Haise makes himself, even though he himself can’t eat human food. When Hide compliments his cooking, the half-ghoul sighs in relief and gets this pleased, self-satisfied look on his face, as if he was worried the food wasn’t tasty, and Hide finds it absolutely adorable.

While in the hospital, Hide is graced with quite the variety of visitors. One time Haise brings his housemate Mutsuki to meet him. He immediately likes the guy, he’s a little bit shy but also very sweet. He can see them getting along smoothly in the time to come, and he can’t wait to meet the rest of Haise’s notorious Q-Squad.

Kirishima Touka also stops by the hospital a few times, much to Hide’s surprise. Haise tells him that Kirishima had been bringing him fresh flowers every few weeks for the past three years and he’s so touched by the gesture that he tears up when he thanks her personally for them.

Also to his surprise, she offers him a job at her new coffee shop, but he graciously declines the offer, saying that it’s probably not an ideal position for someone with one arm.

Hide’s father shows up as well, and he cries with joy when he sees his son alive and healthy, if not a little banged up. Hide learns that his dad had remarried, and his new wife is now pregnant with a little girl- a sister.

He invites Hide to live with them when he gets admitted from the hospital, but Hide turns him down, saying that he’s more than happy to see if he can buy back the one person apartment he had been living in before. He knows that his dad and step-mom will have their hands full with the newborn, and he doesn’t want to intrude on them. Though he is totally stoked about having a new baby sister.

One of his more unusual visitors is the editor for the _Tokyo Shimbun_ newspaper. He comes in one day and asks Hide if they can feature his story in an article, and Hide agrees to it excitedly. He’s always wanted to be in the newspaper!

The day before his interview Haise brings in a pair of shears and a bottle of hair bleach, to Hide's upmost delight. Haise's cutting and bleaching skills aren't the greatest but he's grateful nonetheless. It makes him feel a lot more confident in his interview.

He leaves the ghost part out, obviously, but even without it his story makes the front page, the headline of which reads ‘Ghoul Victim and Former CCG Employee Miraculously Wakes Up from 3-Year Coma’ _._ Beneath it is a picture of both Hide and Haise, the latter who was also interviewed on behalf of his determination to keep his friend alive by personally paying for his medical bills.

The photo speaks for itself, because in it the two of them are very blatantly holding hands.

The article attracts the attention of the CEO of a prosthetics company, and the woman comes in a few days later offering to sponsor Hide with a replacement prosthetic arm, to which Hide gratefully accepts.

After detailed designing and measurements, Hide is finally fitted with a fancy new robotic limb. The arm has sensors attached to it, and Hide can use them to control the mechanical hand and elbow movements.

“It’s no _Winter Soldier_ , but it’s still pretty cool.” he tells Haise one day as he practices using it to eat soup.

Hide easily gets the hang of using his mechanical arm, and when he’s confident enough with it, he asks Kirishima if her earlier job offer is still on the table, and she welcomes him to the :re team with her signature grin, promising to accomodate any accessibility issues he might face.

When Hide's strength is nearly completely returned, both he and Haise are unsurprised but still excited when the nurse finally announces that he can be admitted from the hospital in three days time.

The day after hearing the news, Haise, Kirishima and Mutsuki bring him a dozen balloons and a huge cake that says _‘Congratulations!’_ in fancy golden icing. They hand out slices of cake to the hospital staff and other patients, and everyone earnestly congratulates Hide on his recovery.

Both Kirishima and Mutsuki head home for the evening after a while, giving he and his half-ghoul some time alone. Hide assumes that they know about him and Haise by the newspaper photo, and he’s grateful to them for their consideration.

After they leave, the two remaining boys are still buzzing with delight at the prospect of freedom, and when Haise asks Hide if he’d like to move into the empty room at the Chateau, Hide screams “YES!” loud enough for the entire floor to hear, and pulls his best friend down onto the bed for a long, eager kiss.

Next thing they know, Hide is rolling his small suitcase of what was left of his belongings through the Chateau doors. He meets the acquaintance of Ginshi Shirazu (who immediately compliments Hide on his super cool robot arm) and Yonebayashi Saiko (who Hide thinks will easily become his new video game buddy). He also meets Kuki Urie, who he finds to be a bit standoffish at first but Hide, being Hide, dubs getting to know the guy as a new personal challenge. Haise is all for it.

Hide is accepted into the Q-Squad family as if he’d been there from the start.

Living together with Haise, getting to see him every time he wakes up and before he goes to sleep, is an absolute dream come true.

Everyone seems to know the nature of Hide and Haise’s relationship without it being explicitly discussed, so the two don’t worry too much over being caught sneaking kisses before bed and holding hands during movie night.

“You should have just moved right into Sassan’s room.” Shirazu says to him one day, and Hide can’t hide the deep scarlet blush that spreads over his face. Moving into the same room as someone means sharing the same bed as them, and sharing the same bed has _implications_ that Hide doesn’t think he’s quite ready to deal with just yet. Both he and Haise are wholly content with taking things slow. They’ve got all the time in the world, after all.

When Hide goes in for his first day of work at :re (don’t ask him about the name of the place because he still has no idea what it means), he spills three cups of coffee, two teas, and breaks four plates. Needless to say, he’s a bit of a klutz.

Kirishima tells him not to worry, he’ll get used to it, and if he has any problems her and Yomo are always there to help. It gets much better, and Hide's friendliness actually attracts a lot more customers, and it makes the atmosphere of :re seem a little more welcoming than before when it was just Kirishima and her brother (who Hide suspects is not actually her brother).

Haise and the rest of what are now both of their housemates come into the cafe quite often, and when Hide gets really good at making art in his lattes he always makes Urie’s into a huge heart, just to mess with him.

"You look really happy at :re.” Haise says to him one night after he gets home from work. The two of them are for once alone in the house, everyone else either detained in their rooms (Saiko) or out somewhere on a Friday night. "The apron really suits you." 

“Oh, really?” Hide asks, waggling his eyebrows mischievously, “Never knew you were into that, _Haise_.”

The half-ghoul blushes deeply, realizing what it is that Hide is implicating.

“T-That’s not what I meant!” He stutters, and Hide grins deviously as he reaches into his wallet to pull out some sort of paper.

It's a photo of a blonde woman in a turtleneck dress.

“My friend _Sasako_ here thinks otherwise.” 

“WHO SHOWED YOU THAT!?” Haise screeches, mortified, and Hide just shrugs nonchalantly.

The Q-Squad had apparently gone on an undercover mission that required cross-dressing last year, and Saiko, bless that girl, had secretly taken Haise's photo. 

Hide bought her the newest _Ace Attorney_ game as a trade for it.

“I'm not telling!” The blonde sticks his tongue out jokingly, and Haise seizes the moment to snatch the photo right out of his hand and run with it.

“GET BACK HERE!” Hide bellows, chasing the half-ghoul around the house, both of them giggling like idiots the entire time.

They end up in Haise’s room, where Hide tackles Haise onto the bed and wrestles the photo out of his hands.

When he finally grabs it, he’s straddling Haise, pinning him down by his legs and good arm, and he’s holding the photo out of his reach with his prosthetic one.

He’s about to say something snarky about his victory, but the words die in his mouth when his eyes meet Haise’s, and he realizes what _position_ they’re in.

Without warning, Haise yanks him down into a sudden desperate kiss, and the photo flies out of Hide’s hand and onto the floor, now forgotten.

The kiss is bruising and deep, their breath mixing as their tongues tangle. Haise’s hands are feathering through in his hair, and Hide’s are skimming along Haise’s sides.

Lips still sealed together, Haise flips them over so that Hide’s laying on his back, and not relying on his prosthetic arm to hold up his weight for too long. Pleased, Hide runs his hands up over Haise’s white dress shirt, but he stops hesitantly at the buttons.

He breaks their kiss for a moment to whisper a breathy “Can I?”

Haise smirks and replies “I don’t know, can you?”

Rolling his eyes, Hide begins to undo the buttons, and Haise plants wet kisses along his neck.

When Hide’s finally got the shirt open, he insistently tugs it right off and drops it to the floor, his own following suit right after.

“Damn, you’re buff.” he says as he studies Haise’s torso, and the half ghoul just shrugs indifferently.

"Ghoul stuff?"

“That, and all the training.” Haise says as he runs his own hands down along Hide’s skin, which unlike his is dappled with dozens of scars and marks.

Hide gasps when he leans down once more to kiss along the junction where flesh meets his metal arm.

“You’re perfect.” the half-ghoul whispers against his skin, and Hide can’t help but laugh and smack his arm affectionately.

He closes his eyes, humming as he enjoys the heat of Haise’s lips, until suddenly he feels something unusually rough caress his exposed skin.

“What was that?” His eyes snap back open, and he sees four tentacle-like appendages sprouting from the small of Haise’s back.

“Oh, my kagune,” Haise sighs, biting his lip as he retracts them, “Sorry they just come out sometimes.”

Though fascinated, Hide can’t help but tease the other.

“... kinky.”

"I can’t control them!” Haise pouts, but Hide brings his hand up around Haise's back to touch the soft spot where they had just come out of.

“I’m joking, you know. I think they're cool.” Hide assures him, and Haise slowly lets them back out, tentatively grazing them against Hide's chest.

“Man we’re weird." Hide says affably, "I’m half metal and you’ve got tentacles. We’d have the strangest babies.”

“That- That’s impossible on so many different levels-” Haise puffs, flabbergasted, “Not to mention that your metal arm isn’t exactly hereditary...”

“Joking. Again.” The blonde reminds him, then raises a hand to tug down Haise’s body so it’s flush against his, “Can we get back to kissing now?”

“Good idea.”

 

* * *

 

“You actually look really great in that photo.” Hide says the next morning, when they're both picking their shirts up off of the floor.

Haise smirks cheekily at him.

“I know, right?”

"Do you still have the wig?"

Haise just winks in response.

"You bet I do."

 

* * *

 

Time passes faster than ever, and soon enough it's Hide's 23rd birthday. He comes home from work that evening to a huge party, idea courtesy of Shirazu. The music is blaring, the lights are dimmed, and everyone he could ever think of is there: his housemates, his coworkers, CCG staffers, as well as some of his old friend's from Kamii.

He chats and catches up with everyone excitedly, and thanks those who bring him gifts from the bottom of his heart.

When the party is in full swing, Haise finds him talking to Mado Akira. He excuses them both and pulls Hide away from the party, claiming he's got something to show him for his birthday.

Surprisingly, Haise leads him outside and into the little shed that sits mostly unused in their small yard space. On a table is a metal hutch with a huge bow on top, and inside of it is a fluffy white bunny.

"Oh my god you bought me a rabbit for my birthday." Hide says incredulously.

"I thought he could be our new family pet." Haise shrugs, "In such a busy house, he'll never get lonely."

"I love him." Hide professes, removing the bow excitedly from the cage, "Can I pet him?"

"You don't even need to ask." the half-ghoul says, and soon enough Hide's got the little furball in his lap, giggling as he feeds him carrots.

"What do you want to name him?" Haise asks, and Hide thinks about it for a few moments before answering.

"Roger."

"Roger?"

"You know, like Roger Rabbit?"

Haise sighs, "You and your Western films."

"I know what we're watching next movie night." Hide declares, then carefully places Roger back into his cage, leaving him plenty of veggies to munch on for the night.

"Thank you," he says, planting a quick kiss on Haise's cheek, "Wanna go dance?"

"Let's do it." Haise agrees, and the two walk hand in hand out of the shed and back into the party.

 

* * *

 

 

Finally, on a Sunday in January, Hide receives a happy call from his father. He tells his son that as of today, he’s officially a big brother. Hide brings Haise with him to the hospital of course, and he cries on his shoulder when he sees his sister for the first time.

They’ve named her Yuki, since she was born in the winter, and both he and Haise instantly fall in love with her wide amber eyes- which are the exact same shade as her brother’s.

As she gets older, Hide and Haise offer to babysit her whenever the opportunity arises. The rest of their housemates love her, and Hide suspects that Urie secretly does too, even though he crinkles his nose in annoyance whenever she's over at the Chateau.

Hide and Haise are supervising as Yuki crawls around with Roger in Hide's bedroom one day, and the two of them are debating about whether or not Yomo is actually Kirishima's brother.

"I don't think so, they look nothing alike. She's all dark hair and sarcasm and he's all huge and looming-"

"Yeah I agree, no way are they actually siblings," Hide jibes, "I knew her in the past and she's never once mentioned him." 

"How did you two meet, anyways?" Haise asks him.

Hide shakes his head, his eyes watching Roger as he sniffs Yuki curiously.

"We met through Kaneki, since he used to work at that coffee shop Anteiku with her." he reveals. "We weren't really friends."

"Seriously? I figured you guys were close since she brought you all those flowers and offered you a job."

"Nah, though I did ask her out once." Hide admits sheepishly, "I wasn't serious or anything, but she gave me the most terrifying look and I instantly regretted asking."

_Hide and Kirishima?_

_T_ _hat definitely wouldn’t work,_  Haise thinks, _She’d probably go insane listening to all of his jokes._

“Did you like her?” He asks, and inappropriate as it is, Hide's _his_ now, he can’t help but feel the slightest bit jealous.

“Not like that,” Hide says easily, looking Haise right in the eye, “My heart always belonged to someone else.”

Haise smiles and grabs Hide's hand, then laces their fingers together on his lap. 

“She is kind of scary though, isn’t she?” he asks amusedly, and Hide nods in agreement.

“Yeah, well, she is a ghoul. And my boss.” Hide says, then gasps in realization, “Shit I shouldn't have said that! She doesn't know that I know! Please don't turn her in!”

“Are you crazy? I would never.” Haise assures him, “She's our friend, and I actually knew already. I know she's harmless so I've been making sure that her name stays clear out of investigations.”

Hide sighs with relief.

“I always forget you're CCG and can do that.” he says.

"How do you forget I'm CCG when literally everyone who lives here is part of my squad?" Haise laughs at him disbelievingly "Not to mention I wear my uniform like, every day."

“Yeah, well. To me you’re just a bookworm who loves bad puns.” Hide shrugs teasingly.

“Excuse you, my puns are the punniest.” Haise narrows his eyes challengingly at the other.

“That was horrible.” Hide shakes his head in mock disappointment, “You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Are you prejudiced against punsters?” Haise accuses, his competitiveness blaring “That makes you homophonic!”

“Punsters? Is that even a real word?” the blonde asks condescendingly.

“I once did a theatrical performance on puns, but it was really just a play on words.”

“You’ve told me that one once.”

Haise narrows his eyes playfully and tries again. “I heard a pun about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”

Hide grins. “That I actually believe.”

"I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“Nerd.”

“My puns are pretty cheesy but I still think they’re gouda.”

Haise sees Hide begin to smile, and so he digs deep inside his head for his absolute best puns.

“A punsters favourite medium is wrought irony.”

“Without geometry, life is pointless.”

 _It’s working,_ Haise thinks, and continues shamelessly rallying them off.

“There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.”

“I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory when all I took was a day off.”

“Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn’t control his pupils.”

Haise waggles his eyebrows cheekily, and Hide very blatantly struggles to hold back his laughter.

“Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.”

“Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.”

Hide is on the verge, and to finish him off, Haise hits him with his absolute favourite pun.

“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.”

“Pffffffft,” Hide snorts, unable to fight it anymore.

“F-Fine, you win.” he chokes out between giggles, and Haise takes a bow.

“I am the pun king.” He declares, and Hide laughs even harder.

“That doesn't make you any less of a nerd.”

"But you love this nerd." Haise attests, pushing the other down onto the bed to kiss him.

Hide looks up at him, smiling that brilliant gleaming smile that never fails to make Haise's heart flutter.

"That's true too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! Thank you all again for all of the wonderful reviews and encouragement- they're what really pushed me to finish this! 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the ride (and the puns). Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!
> 
> xoxox


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